Beware the Ides of March!

But beware also the Odes of March–especially when written and performed by a lonely hospitalist in the midst of a midlife crisis. That’s right, folks, the old man dusted off his high school electric guitar (a cheap Fender Strat knockoff that I believe contains mostly lead paint), tuned it up, and with the help of a soldering iron (and yet more lead) got it working again.

Then, in a sleep-deprived post-call stupor, he threw this nonsense together in a couple hours—a timeline which makes sense when one perceives the incredibly high caliber of the performance. A vain attempt to recall the “glory days” of his youth when, exactly 20 years ago on an Ides of March very similar to this one (minus, of course, the pending Fukushima nuclear catastrophe), he and his homies performed a similar parody of the AC/DC masterpiece Back in Black for a high school Ides of March Shakespeare festival. Did it help to advance his cause with the ladies back then? Nope. Will it do so now? Mrs. Dogg’s stony silence speaks volumes.

At least when the radioactive fallout starts blowing my way, I’ve got a guitar with a LOT of lead in it.