A vaccine can prevent cancers.
Yup. That would have been science fiction just a couple decades ago. And it’s still science fiction for the 62% of girls and 86% of boys who DIDN’T get the recommended human papilloma virus vaccination 3-shot series in 2013. So when Ashley McHugh of Immunize Nevada contacted me about making an HPV vaccination parody video, I was all like, “Totally. I got it on lock, girl. Also, what’s HPV again?”
After which I quickly consulted my esteemed pediatric immunology colleague, Dr. Google.
Black Box Warning: Google images and HPV are a combination best served…NEVER.
Tail between my internist legs, I decided to forgo the advice of celebrities, mommy-bloggers, and former Playboy bunnies and instead asked Ashley (an actual public health expert) to hit me with the key points.
- The human papillomaviruses (HPV) are sexually transmitted viruses that cause genital warts as well as anogenital cancers (cervical, anal, vaginal, vulvar, penile), and oropharyngeal cancers.
- HPV causes virtually all cervical cancers as well as 91% of anal cancers, 75% of vaginal cancers, 69% of vulvar cancers, & 63% of penile cancers.
- Recently HPV has been identified as a major cause of oropharyngeal cancers (cancer of the tongue & tonsils).
- Over 26,000 men and women suffer each year from preventable cancers attributable to HPV. (Wait, what? MEN?!?! Oh NOW it’s getting real)
- There are two safe and effective vaccines against specific HPV strains. The Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP) recommends routine vaccination for girls & boys at 11-12 years old.
- Many vaccine-eligible adolescents do not receive HPV vaccines during visits with their healthcare providers. Provider recommendation is the strongest positive predictor for HPV vaccination rates.
So it’s time to get our vax on again. Extreme’s 90’s college dorm room douchebag guitarist anthem More Than Words was the perfect vehicle. Perfect, because THIS 90’s college dorm room douchebag got a chance to learn how to play it in hopes of impressing Mrs. Dogg with my sensitive side.
Spoiler alert: it turns out I don’t have a sensitive side.
So share this with your healthcare peeps, moms, dads, and teens because preventing cancer is pretty much the dopest thing you can do. Guitar by ZDoggMD, audio production by the ever-amazing Devin Moore of the band Rabbit! — who also rocks the harmonies. Lyrics by ZDoggMD with an assist from Dr. Harry. Learn more about HPV and other vaccines (measles outbreak, anyone?) at Immunize.org.
Big Pharma didn’t give us a dime to make this. Do you believe in vaccinations and want to help spread the word? Help us do it by donating!
Download the track for your next warty workout here!
And the original “More Than Words”:
More Than Warts
Sayin’ I love you
Is not the best way to stop STDs
We’re sure that you want to
Keep your teen’s junk safe from HPV
So there’s a vaccine, three shots to keep their dirty bits all clean, cause
More than warts
Is what this virus gives to boys and girls
Cancers of the genitals
Throat and anus…
They’re all pre-ven-ta-ble
Some parents say
My teen won’t have sex today
But more than warts there still might be
Even if their first time’s at forty
Most get HPV some day
So let’s block it with a vax
And keep those private parts intact
Guess who’s back in the mutha-flipping house, with a dope vax for you mothers to give out
It’s about H to the Pizzy, human papilizzy, sproutin’ them cauliflower warts up in ya hizzy
But more than warts we can thwart with a vaccine, boys and girls 11-12 are who I mean
With three shots ya stop lots of cancers, docs and dads and moms we got the answers
So do it ‘fore they “do it” if you catch what I’m throwing cause HPV is transmitted from the biblical “knowing’”
Ain’t no going back once it attacks all your cracks so watch they back with the vax
Dropping facts, and we out.
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