What happens when you lose limbs and are burned over 90% of your body…but you bought a crappy disability policy from Jar Jar?

This. This is what happens 😂 Here’s a deeper dive interview.

Get a real own-occupation disability quote from our partners at Pattern.

Full Transcript Below.

Hello, my apprentices, Doc Vader. As many of you know, I was burned over 90% of my body and have lost multiple limbs on Mustafar, and people say, Vader, what’s it like? It must be the worst thing in the galaxy, you know. It did spare my perineum, which, there’s that, but it isn’t the worst thing in galaxy. The worst thing in the galaxy is finding out after you’ve been burned and slashed, sparing the perineum, that Jar Jar, the insurance agent, sold me a bunk disability policy. And I’ve got nothing. NOTHING.

The minute I looked at the terms after I was disabled, I was like, nooooo! Because two things happened. #1, the Emperor bought us a group policy and said, “Oh, you’re covered for disability. We’ll pay 60% of your regular Imperial salary, okay? For life. Look at that. Great, right?” Until you find out group policies are usually taxable, which means I’m only getting 30% after taxes, because I have to pay for Imperial Mediscare and all kinds of high tax bracket stuff because the Emperor is a communist, okay? Taxes very high, okay?

Number next, I find out, Jar Jar sells me a policy. It’s not something called “own-occupation” disability insurance. Now, what is that? Well, heck if I knew, I would have gotten it. Instead, I find out after the fact that own-occupation disability insurance means that if you are unable to do your own occupation, in my case, Sith Lord duties, chasing rebel scum to the outer rim, force choking Jedi, pretty much pimping, BIG pimpin’. If I couldn’t do that, then I get disability, and then I can still go do something else like teach Dark Side arts to young padawans, or perhaps kindergarten. I could teach kindergarten.

No, I don’t have own-occupation disability insurance, which is actually rather rare and hard to find because only six out of the 30 companies in the system actually do it. So, instead, if I go get another job, my disability goes away. Well, since I was only getting 30% post tax of my income, how’s Vader gonna live? I got loans. So, I had to become a doctor.

People are like, Vader, you become a doctor because you love people. Don’t be a fool. I would lightsaber every single one of my patients if I could, every single one, but I need the money to pay for my lifestyle and pay off my loans. Simple as that. So now I’m stuck, because I didn’t have own occupation disability insurance that was not taxable. And all I had to do was reach out to my friends at Pattern, and they would’ve walked me through the process.

They specialize in doctors. They also specialize in sponsoring this episode of Doc Vader. I am getting paid, right, Matthew? Because I will force choke both of you, both of you if I don’t get paid for this. Click the link in the description and get a quote, especially if you are graduating residents. The time is short. Lock in a low rate for the rest of your life, and insure your income, or else become like me, 90% robot, 10% pristine taint. Vader out.