Starring Dr. Diego, Dr. Harry, and ZDoggMD. Song production and video editing by ZDoggMD. Camerawork by Dr. Diego and ZDoggMD.
From time to time, even the normally cheery crew at ZDoggMD Industries will feel the need to vent about our frustrations as physicians. Take last Thursday, for example.
We were all chilling at the ZDoggMD clubhouse for our monthly mahjong game night. The collective angst was palpable, as we halfheartedly lay down our tiles. The gloomy silence was punctuated intermittently by ZDogg’s overly dramatic sighs—clearly a plea for one of us to ask him what was wrong. As usual, our staff radiologist Dr. Diego took the bait. “You seem upset, Z,” he said, his cherubic face positively exuding empathy.
“Can you blame me?” ZDogg replied, as he gnawed at the remnants of his deep-fried pork loin. “I spent 2 hours today talking with the family members of one of my patients who just survived a massive heart attack.” After a theatrical pause, he slammed a pudgy fist down on the table, shrieking, “NOT ONCE did they compliment me on the genius of my videos, nor did they worship me as befits an internet celebrity of my…”
Another Victim of R. Kelly’s Micturition
“I lost another one today,” I interrupted quietly. Even Dr. Z had the decency to stop his tirade mid-sputter, noting the solitary tear trickling down my cheek. “I saw a 6 month-old infant who had been exclusively breastfed his entire life—until today, when his father gave him a bottle of formula!” No longer able to contain the torrent of tears, I sobbed, “I didn’t have the heart to tell him that he had just ruined any chance that this kid would get into an Ivy League school!”
Dr. Diego Sundowns
Not to be outdone, Doc Quixote lurched out of his seat, nearly ripping his vintage “Red Dawn” T-shirt. “Oh yeah? I just got through a friggin’ Whipple procedure today! You have no idea how draining it is to be screaming at a resident for 12 hours straight while she is performing such a grueling surgery!” He would have helped, he further explained, were it not for the sore hands caused by an all-night Call of Duty gaming marathon.
Never one to be left out, Dr. Diego joined in, “Guys, you would not believe the hassles I’ve had dealing with the international tax laws about the Scottish castle I just bought!”
If there is a moral to this epic, it is this: doctors should just stop whining. Sure we get worked, but the rewards are…well, there are rewards, OK? So here is our anthem to people on the front lines of healthcare everywhere. Apologies to Hot Chelle Rae for borrowing from their hit song Tonight Tonight. And further apologies to the classic 80’s series V for, uh, well…you’ll see.
