The Confrontation!

Wait…I thought we were doing Jesus Christ Superstar!

The signs were becoming ever more ominous—and harder to ignore. The final straw began with a sudden, inappropriately dramatic glare from Dr. Harry while we lunched on 7-layer burritos and chalupas: “ZDogg! At last! We eat at Taco Bell! This large…gordita…entices with its smell!

I choked on my Fanta, forcing me to put down my daintily powdered churro while irredeemably staining my Rush 2112 concert T-shirt. “Why are you singing at the top of your lungs in the middle of Taco Bell?” I asked, my sense of dread growing as I nervously nibbled the edge of my sour cream-encrusted tostada slathered in Fire sauce.

“I…I don’t know! I…I’m not sure what’s come over me! IN MERCY’S NAME…THREE TACOS ARE ALL I NEED! Arggh! There I go again!”

A Misérable Condition

Look, I’m no psychiatrist, but I can recognize a DSM-V diagnosis of Acute on Chronic Misérables Syndrome any day of the week. Way back in medical school, we all recognized that poor Harry possessed many of the risk factors for the development of this potentially crippling affliction:

Hey, who said being a med student was nothing but scut?

  • He was prone to spouting French translations of outdated American street slang: “Doctor Harry est dans la maison, oui! OUI???”
  • He worked as an understudy—for one of the tigers—in the Sigfried and Roy show.
  • His vanity license plates read “LAME IS”

L’intervention

Dr. Diego returned from the counter with his second order of four bean burritos with extra onions. “Radiologists like you can never change!” involuntarily crooned Dr. Harry.

Diego and I exchanged concerned glances in between bites of our Crunchwrap Supremes. It was time for an intervention. We needed to get this musical theater out of Dr. Harry’s system before it was too late.

Before his transformation into a Taiwanese Neil Patrick Harris became irreversible.

To purge Harry’s demons we first had to draw them out and face them head-on, in epic gladiatorial battle. Luckily, after our feast we were full of enough hot gas to truly belt out a classic—an homage to one of the most ancient and eternal conflicts in all of medicine.

 

Dang y’all, am I the only one craving L’Meximelt right about now?

 

Download l’song here!

 

Lyrics to The Confrontation: A Les Misérables Parody

(Dr. Javert)
ZDogg! At last…I paged an hour ago!
This alcoholic’s sodium’s much too low…
(ZDogg)
Before you say another word, Javert, before you dump on me reflexively,
Listen to me! This lab you must repeat…
(Dr. Javert)
This patient’s obviously going nowhere. He’s got no pants and he needs a SNF!
Stop blocking me, admission is what he needs…
(ZDogg)
Just get that lab, I pledge my word, if it’s still low…
(Dr. Javert)
You must think me mad! The waiting room’s completely packed!
Docs like you can never change. A doc such as you…
(Dr. Javert in Counterpoint)
Docs like you can never change, hospitalists can never change!
ED life you’ll never understand!
My lot is to be extreme–you have no balls, last week I snowshoed across Nepal!
I’m a doc who has no fear. You’re not fit to clean my shears!
ED docs are brawn and brain, epi’s running through our veins!
You can write your long-ass note, I just cric’d this old guy’s throat!
You can fixate on your labs, I’ll work on my rock hard abs!
I save patients, one by one, at least until my shift is done…
(ZDogg in Counterpoint)
Admit to me, what you like! There are no beds, the nurses are on strike!
You know nothing of disease, skipped class to spelunk in Belize!
I can rock complexity, you still shock asystole!
You’re a hammer so a nail is all you see!
I will not be dumped upon, by some chump with lycra on!
You can race triathalons, but I’ll just drive my car!
You can’t understand his labs, I’m the wiser doc by far.
There is dispo for him yet, his workup’s not yet done…
 (ZDogg)
Perhaps this fight’s without a point.
(Dr. Javert)
We could be climbing Macchu Piccu…
(ZDogg)
We should team up not waste our time.
(Dr. Javert)
We could be kite surfing in Guam…
(ZDogg)
It seems this patient’s quite depressed
(Dr. Javert)
Yes…I begin to think you’re right…
(Both)
Let’s admit just him…to psych!
  • Brilliant! Another great video by ZDogg & Dr. Harry!
    Nice job boys! Could you write off the Broadway tickets as a business expense? If so, I’ll do so ‘Wicked’ parodies!

  • This is bloody brilliant!
    Loved it!
    Could be the best ZDoggMD and Dr Harry effort yet!
    Chris

  • Chris

    These ED vs Medicine videos are so entertaining!! You have the all the characterizations down perfectly hahahaha. And y’all have nice voices too :). Will this be available for mp3 download? You are on last.fm! http://www.last.fm/music/Zdoggmd

  • Awesome
    I only wish I was as cool as Dr Harry
    He is now becoming an ER icon – a beacon of hope for all us struggling cellar dwellers – you bring a new vigour and meaning to our existence, and inspire us to keep referring on
    Thank you

    • Thanks, Mike. As a method actor, I can honestly say that my brief stint playing a pretend ED doc has changed me for the better. I no longer cry during codes, and I just sprouted my first ever goatee hair! Cheers!

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  • fineartsgraddropout

    Don’t quit your day job.

    • You, sir, have made a very powerless enemy! This gives me flashbacks to my numerous rejections from those so-called “experts” at Julliard. Actually, they refused to even send me an application…

  • PSR

    Incredible…truly you guys are an inspiration to all aspiring artists of the medical parody everywhere.

    COPD is almost done…will send your way when finished! – PSR

  • Any chance that you’ll put the psych patient’s/doctor’s (sometimes, you can never tell the difference) lyrics up?

    • Ah, those are verbatim from “Castle on a Cloud” from Les Mis:
      There is a castle on a cloud,
      I like to go there in my sleep,
      Aren’t any floors for me to sweep,
      Not in my castle on a cloud.

  • DocEpador

    Excellent.

    RENT transformed to RANT?

    CANDIDE transformed to CanZDogg: The Best of all Possible Wards

    or how about The ZDogg Family?

    • I have always wanted to do The Zound of Music with the ZDogg Family Players. “This gauge is 16F going on 17…”

  • I loved it!

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  • dude, could be your best effort yet. usually i watch the videos thinking if i weren’t so lazy i could do something like that, slowly moving away from the total glamour of academic hospitalist medicine to such accolades as being mentioned on “today’s hospitalist” but this video takes you to the next level.

  • Doc Quixote

    I don’t think I’m “On My Own” here when I say that when it comes to musical parodies, “At the End of the Day” Z Dogg is the “Master of the House”! I hope we won’t have to wait “One Day More” to see the next installment! “Who Am I”? Well let’s just say I’m a big fan and “I Dreamed a Dream” that there was more comedy on the way from Z Dogg!

    • I believe this comment has 24601 letters in it.

  • Fantastic, simply fantastic. This touched in some very special places… Indeed, the truly timeless story of revolution, conflict, justice, and redemption (ED/MEDICINE) adapted to a Broadway musical about unrelated issues in France is genius. Glad to know that the high quality work will continue in Vegas. Best wishes.

    • Word! Glad your fancy was tickled. Fantastic site you’ve got there, BTW! Medical parodists…recognize!!

  • I love it!!! It is a classic!

    It always amazes me how much time us doctors spend arguing over who accepts responsibility for admission of a patient in the public…. in ED we used to joke that we had to offer our first-born child as bribery to get a bed!

    Psych is a good option to remember though, haha! Thanks for a great parody.

  • GravitysAngel

    ~standing ovation!~

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