I travel A LOT. A keynote address here, a “time to flee the country” there…how do I not become morbidly obese with all that tempting Cinnabon at every airport? Well here are my secret travel tips for staying high energy on trips without totally destroying your body. Yeah, Dr. Oz, I can give BS health tips too. The only difference is AIN’T NO ONE PAYIN’ ME, SON.

PS: Can someone pay me? Please??