Nurse Medimoji vs. Senator Maureen Walsh

Oh, look who’s back in the mother flippin’ house. It’s Feli, your favorite nurse.

Do you remember Joy Behar? Yeah, neither do I because she f**ked with the nurses. And now look, nowhere. I think she is selling insurance for the Geico. Now, there is a new Behar for the 2019, and her name … Is Maureen Walsh. She is some State Senator from Washington.

I did not even know that Washington was a state. I thought it was a D.C., and she said the nurses get plenty of breaks. And during the most of the day, they are probably playing the cards.

Okay, first of all, who plays cards anymore, okay? It’s called Candy Crush, okay? Get into the 2000s. I don’t know. Sometimes I come home from a long 12-hour day, and I just can’t get the day out of my head, you know. I keep reliving the shift. It’s like a kind of PTSD. And, like, yo damn, I was so close and that, Beatrice, made me go fish. And I then lost the game.

Yeah, that’s not how it goes, I take a 30-minute break in minus one minute. Yeah, nursing is so much fun. We play cards. We throw the bones, you know we’re playing. I’m like,, Dominoes! Huh? In between coding bed four or cleaning out the Foley on bed seven or having to avoid the punches on bed nine.

You know what this woman this Maureen Walsh remind me of? She’s like every sundowning patient after 7pm. When the sun goes down, she’s like, “ahhh! ” “I hate kitties. “I’m racist against kitties.” And in the morning, they like, “ah. “Hi, I’m ready to cooperate with “everything that you do.” And then at night they’re like, “All the nurses sit around playing cards all the time.” Stop your sundowning, you crazy senator

She looks like she came straight out of central casting for Worst Patient Ever. She looks like she fell off the top of the Press Ganey tree. And checked every single “strongly disagree” box on the way down until she hit the ground on the ugly stick. I don’t love a Ho.

But I will say this about Maureen Walsh. I love seeing a female senator break the glass ceiling. Because she is proving that we are equal. As we are just as worthless and ineffective as the men.

I have been a nurse for 33 years. And I am lucky if I get to eat lunch and pee in the shame shift, okay? She better hope that I’m not her nurse. Because I will be sure to play cards when it is time for her pain meds and her Turkey sandwich. I’m like, “You want to see my poker face?” Now I’m going to poke her face with a 14 gauge needle, okay?

I mean, really though. I’m so surprised to see an elected official so utterly clueless about the real world. This is my surprised face. Surprised.

You know, come to think of it. Maybe Maureen is right. I did play strip poker with the homeless man named Grizz the other day in the ER. He threaten to take off all his clothes and take a dump on the floor. So, yeah, maybe nothing like strip poker. Maureen? Hmm? The joker is not wild here, no.

I will quote the late great Kenny Rogers, “You never count your votes “when your name is Maureen Walsh. “There’ll be time enough for counting. “Never because no one’s gonna vote for you, because nurses are gonna destroy your career.”