Medimoji Side Hustles

– Yeah, yeah, yeah, Uh, Family Medicine is not known for its high income level. The real way I found to get a lil’ extra money is I finish my day, I do my charting, and then I jump in my car, and I put that lil’, that lil’ mustache on that says Lyft, and I just start hustlin’ baby! And people are like “Whoah, Monkey! “Did you just make $40 in a night?” And I’m like “That’s right.”

– Pretty much everybody in medicine has some kind side hustle, I tell you why because we got something called rones.

– And people are so impressed with my ride, you know they’re like “Is this a 2001 Geo Tracker?” and I’m like “That’s right I’m a Doctor,” Enjoy yourself man. Hey you want me to hit the comfort suspension? There’s a button right here. Makes it plush.

– Lot and lot of rones. Which is why my side hustle of course, is bitcoin. People be like “Panda, oh man you moving on up!” I’m like “To the East Side. With a deluxe apartment in the sky.”

– I lead a base jumping expedition. From the Freeway Overpass. When the cops aren’t there.

– I took my skills learned in the ICU, and put ’em towards my side hustle. I am a professional labeler. I will go to your house, I will label Bob, your husband, I will say “Bob. “Lazy. “Born on this date.” “Gonna die on this date. Because of the -” “habit he has with the meth.”

– So I roll up in the ride, I got all the noobs in there, I kick ’em out, I’m like “Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!” and they go “Boom, boom, boom, boom!” It’s like, it’s like frickin’ Normandy. They’re just stormin’ the overpass.

– I put everything on the block chain. I put my notes on the block chain. I put my rones on the block chain. I put my wife on the block chain.

– I will label the kids. This ones a little slow. This one eats his boogers. Label. Label. Label. Label. Label the cheerios. Did they expire? Well, You’d know, ’cause they’re labeled by Fifi!

– Yeah and people are like “Your side hustle has nothin’ to do with medicine.” and I’m like “You have nothin’ to do with medicine.” When I drive my Uber, I’m always carrying around a big stack of my patients charts. So number one, I’m chartin’ while I drive on my lil’ phone. And number two, I’m showin’ the people in the back different cases so I can get a second, a third, and a fourth opinion. I’ll just show ’em a picture. I’ll go “Hey does this guys rash look like scabies to you? ‘Cause I’m supremely confident it’s scabies. Well’ I mean I’m fairly confident it’s scabies.” And I’ve only had to deploy the airbag twice.

– Some people call it the multi-level marketing scam, I just call it Lip-Sense, because it’s how I get rich. Helping other kitties look beautiful!

– Yeah and the great thing is I have a perfect sense of direction, because I’ve studied anatomy and only failed once.

– Sometimes they’ll complain to me they use the Lip-Sense and they’re like “It stings Peli! It burns me Peli!” I’m like “That’s how you know it works”

– The way I tell people in the back, I call ’em my patients, ’cause it’s like, I like to be cute that way. I’m like “Hey my patients, I’m like 80% confident that we have arrived at your destination.” and they’re like “This is McDonald’s, “where you’re buying your two Happy Meals.” and I’m like “Well okay I’m 70% confident that you’re gonna like “this Happy Meal that I got right here, okay.”

– You know I went into medicine with all the highest ideals, I had all the best motives. I said “Panda, you are doing this to become rich, “and better than everyone else “who laughed at you in school.”

– It’s not really that I do the side hustle for money, it’s that I do it because I know that the job that I have ever single day is going to burn me out. I don’t think that I can do this when I’m 50. So I need a side hustle. Because I can totally do the Overpass Bungee Jumping when I’m 75! You ever see that movie XXX with Vin Diesel? That’s how I live my life bro.

– The world would be so much better if everything were labeled. Mailbox. Light pole. Hobo. Mailbox. Light pole. Hobo. Newspaper vending machine. Hobo. Hobo. Hobo.