Just A Pharmacist

 

Have you ever got a script without a sig or a date

But the patient throw a fit cuz you wanted ‘em to wait

Let me tell ya a story of my situation

It’s applicable to pharmacists across the nation

The way that I met her was in line near the butt creams

She was getting yelled at but her eye had a gleam

It was the very first time that we ever met

I was looking for some butt cream, lest you forget

I whispered in her ear, yo I be trying to poo

So can I ask you some questions to try and soften my stools

She asked who’s my doc, I said blah blah blah

I got 9/10 pain and my butt be raw

She clicked a couple of clicks but still was enthused

She said “I love the pharmacy but hate that PBM abuse”

I asked what I had, she started throwin’ back truth

It could be fistula, fissures, abscess or hemorrhoids too

I was like, damn, you’re smart, she said try not to sit

8 years of school, but hey I’m just a pharmacist

Come on, I’m not even going for it

You just saved my life
You…you got a PharmD, but they say you just dispense

And you hate those PBMs, oh baby

You…you work Pharmacy, but they say you just push pills

Ain’t nobody want Advils, Oh Baby

You…you got what I need, and I think it starts with D

Cuz the dog ate my Oxy

 

 

 

So I took blah blah’s script out at this time

I thought 300 dil law laws would get me feelin’ just fine

She said “Your script’s in crayon, and that’s a fact”

And with that many narcs, I bet your colon’s all jacked

I said forget about that, yo just gimme my pills

She said I’m worried about you, now let me use these mad skills

See what had happened, was, you got addicted to drugs

Opioids cause constipation, can you follow me, cuz?

Your bowels freeze up and then you’re straining at stool

So that your hemorrhoids pop from all that rock hard poo

Now you’re asking for buttcream but that ain’t ya jam

When yous addicted to opioids and they killin’ you, fam

Oh snap, I never seenit that way

Could it be I’m medicating my emotional pain?

See I never had a dad, and my mom’s is mean

But my pharmacist knows me and can see in between

I told her I love you and I have to insist

She said, I love my patients too but I’m just your pharmacist.

Don’t even gimme that, you taught me from first principles,

just bust this

 

You…you got a PharmD, but they say you just dispense

But you treat me like a prince, oh baby

You…you work pharmacy, paperwork it never ends

So let’s fire those PBMs, oh baby

You…you got what I need, and I think it starts with P

Community pharmacy oh baby…

 

(Spoken Stanza)

 

Girl, your phones be blowin’ up, ain’t no one help you, but you still make time for me. I love this place. I ain’t never leaving.

 

So I just got one question: the most important question I ever asked anybody…

 

What my copay gonna be?

 

Mmm hmmm. $15? Yeah.

 

Ain’t nobody got time for that. I’m out.

 

Peace out Pharmacy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You’re just a dentist