Friends With Low Platelets (A Garth Brooks Parody)

ZDogg Goes Country(ish)

I had a roommate back in college who once played a song called “Friends in Low Places” by Garth Brooks. Repeatedly. In our tiny, shared room.

“This sucks,” I hissed. “Country music stinks on ice. Now where the heck did I put my Color Me Badd CD?”

Fast forward to 2014. ZDoggMD, the international medical rap superstar and part-time coin collector, plays a fateful gig at the Texas Medical Association in front of thousands of notoriously ornery independent docs. A sitting ovation followed that was loudly punctuated by shouts of approval in the native dialect, like “get a rope!” and so forth.

Just prior to a hasty departure from Dallas-Fort Worth airport, said medical revolutionary was presented with a couple of parting gifts by his hosts: a jet-black cowboy hat, and a stunning new pair of Lucchese leather boots.

“This sucks,” I hissed. “This hat covers my beautiful bald dome, and these boots don’t even have velcro straps.”

Fast forward to later in 2014. ZDoggMD perches in the lobby of his beloved Turntable Health, angrily texting his accountant, when up to the threshold walks Garth Brooks. Apparently he was receiving a walking tour of Downtown Las Vegas from his host, a certain Zappos CEO named Tony Hsieh.

“Can you give Garth a quick one liner on Turntable Health?” asked Mr. Hsieh.

“Oh, sure, we’re trying to fix healthcare by focusing on collaborative prevention utilizing a membership model and a purpose-built EHR with a robust population health back-end.”

Blank look.

“Also, the thunder rolls.”

Blanker look.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Having written the lyrics for a thrombocytopenic parody of “Friends In Low Places”, and having cajoled the legendary Devin Moore of the band Rabbit! to once again help me record my vocals, it was time to shoot the video. That hat and those boots weren’t going to wear themselves, son. And if I didn’t wear them, I’d be letting the entire state of Texas down, to my mortal peril. Who could help me?

Enter the fabled Mrs. Dogg. Turns out she’s got a pretty good eye…for a radiologist. She agreed to film my country shenanigans if I agreed to manage the ZPupps. For a year.

So we shot this past weekend and I hastily edited the CMT-worthy footage and BOOM. In three days, instant Darth Brooks.

So Color Me Badd…er.

Download the tune for your pickup here, son.

Friends with Low Platelets | ZDoggMD | Garth Brooks

Gangsta, people, straight gangsta.

Screenshot 2014-09-29 16.30.02

Who says prednisone has side effects?

 

Blame it all on my labs

These bruises and scabs

Is it normal to bleed when I floss?

I was the last one to know

What my CBC showed

Why’s my stool look like BBQ sauce?

 

Ain’t got no pcp

So I checked WebMD

And I nearly stroked out as I read

So I went online and googled others to find

This support group instead!

 

Now I’ve got friends with low platelets

Where the nosebleeds flow and prednisone chases

My bruise away…

Is my spleen okay?

Ohhh, I’m not big on thrombopoiesis

Think I’ll skip on down to plasmapheresis

Cause I got friends…with low platelets

 

Now I’ve got friends with low platelets

Where the prednisone causes moon facies

And purple striae

Is my pee ok?

Now my spleen’s big on sequestration

Gonna send it on permanent vacation

‘Cause I gotta end these low platelets

  • Jody

    Great one! Need to share this one with my Hemo doc. I am lucky, low but not too low. Was actually on a high for a while at 81,000 but back to 71,000. Have learned the hard way, get hemo involved to educate gastro BEFORE the next colonoscopy as I was under the threat of no polyp removal if any were “too big” in his ambiguous opinion. Great, just shit my brains out and maybe have to do that again in a hospital? got lucky and polyps were small.
    Every doc but my hemo gets freaky about it. I vote with hemo doc!

  • jeff

    Great song. I was down to 3K on my platelet count back in early August. Now, post splenectomy, my platelets are up to 400K. This song/video brought a smile to all of us.

  • Awesome ZDogg!

  • H. E. Ransom

    Love it, just cracked me up! Thank you Zdogg. I am sharing this with my cancer support group at the VA – a group that loves to laugh!

  • M-K

    As a former lab tech (blood bank) and now medical social worker, I LOVED this! Thanks.

  • Patricia Raymond

    Wonderful!

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