Readmission (An R. Kelly “Ignition” Parody)
The bane of every hospitalist, resident, and intern. And now, with Medicare clamping down with financial penalties and Obamacare all up in it, the Medical Industrial Complex is taking serious notice. One could spend hours discussing why hospital readmission rates are so high, but luckily for your sanity (and ours), ZDoggMD Industries once again cuts to the chase—with a smooth R&B anthem addressing 73.5% of it! And despite being a parody of R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix),” there is MINIMAL urination in the video: “p”<0.005 #TadDumCHING!
Sippin’ on Gin ‘n Boost
Our video production crew Variables of Light really busted out on this one—they were fantastic to work with and made my life an order of magnitude more easy (normally, I do all that shooting and editing myself—which leaves me much less time to throw a fit about why the sandwiches in my dressing room aren’t cut in half just so).
Devin Moore, Rabbit! rockstar hero and the dopest patient/DJ ever, just killed it on the audio production. He also tossed out some insane rock star moves on the ward, all with his a** hanging out in a patient gown. BOOM! That’s dedication, son.
July Effect, Welcome To Tha’ Machine, Interns!
Eternal gratitude to the amazing residents of the University of Nevada for forming the best R&B medical crew a parody rapper could want: Randhi M Wijekularatne, Sarah Shewayish, Lorena Zepeda, Hamayon Babary, Kevin Mailland, and Karam A Batieha.
Special thanks to our favorite ICU doc, Dr. Hide Shigemitsu, for rocking the video and organizing the extras!
And thanks to Jenna Fox, Turntable Health mistress and the pretty much the dopest hospital administrator in a music video—EVER. Really, that’s an MTV Award category. Maybe.
Get ZDoggMD to come speak in YOUR healthcare ‘hood!
Now, um, usually I don’t do this but uh….\r\nGo on ‘head on d/c ’em with a lil’ preview of the readmit….\r\n\r\nNow I’m not trying to be rude\r\nBut hey CHF is killing you\r\nLungs congested up with fluid\r\nWhile my census is 32\r\nThat’s why I’m all up in yo’ grill\r\nTryin’ ta get ya to a Lasix pill\r\nYou must be an HMO\r\nThe way you’ll not be payin’ the bill\r\n\r\nD/c to home, whoo hoo\r\nPager gimme that beep beep\r\nBouncing right back to the ER\r\nCrackles, wheezing, edema\r\nWhy do I rush to d/c ’em\r\n\r\nIt’s like my 10th readmission\r\nNot the sharpest clinician\r\nBut I thought a CHF patient\r\nOughta eat Kentucky Fried Chicken\r\nSole caregiver’s the son\r\nI’m like, so what he’s 1\r\nThere’s a freakin’ PICC in\r\nAll he had to do was manage the pump\r\n\r\nBounce bounce\r\nBounce bounce\r\nBounce bounce back\r\nBounce bounce\r\nBounce back\r\n\r\nNow it’s like murder she wrote\r\nOnce I get you out tha’ do’\r\nPCP is screaming “whoa”\r\nAnd Medicare won’t pay no mo’\r\nGirl I’m feeling that you’re healin’\r\nI’m just hoping and wishing\r\nAll of those bloody BMs\r\nMean a colitis remission\r\n\r\nSo gimme that D/C\r\nPoo the color of beet beets\r\nBouncing straight back to the ER\r\nFound down in diarrhea\r\nPress Ganey score is sub-zero\r\n\r\nIt’s just one more readmission\r\nNo love from the Joint Commission\r\n’Cause my 1-day prednisone taper’s\r\nProbably why her colon’s now missin’\r\nD/c creatinine 1\r\nNow it’s 7 point something\r\nIt’s the freakin’ weekend\r\nWho’m I gonna get to place a Quinton?\r\n\r\nCrystals poppin’ on the joint aspiration\r\nI guess I missed colchicine on the med reconciliation\r\nWe got swellin’ on the left, he’s flaccid on the right\r\nThe INR is 12 so they’ll be paging all night\r\nAnd after the stroke there’s the aspiration\r\nAnd after he chokes there’s the intubation\r\nAnd round about 4 we hit the nurse’s station\r\nAnd take it to the room for defibrillation\r\n\r\nTo the unit now, whoo hoo\r\nVentilator goes beep beep\r\nAt least he’s off of my floor\r\nDon’t need to see him no more\r\nTill I’m subpoena’d for court\r\n\r\nLet’s just prevent readmissions\r\nManage those chronic conditions\r\nNeed time preparing the handoff\r\nMove along to other clinicians\r\nVerbal instructions are clear\r\nOnly if the patient can hear\r\nTakes some freakin’ tweakin\r\nIf we’re gonna get our peeps to adhere\r\n\r\nGirl we up on this ward\r\nWriting D/C notes\r\nReconciling meds\r\nPatients get the heave-ho\r\nBouncing back and forth\r\nA revolving door\r\nTo the readmit\r\nWe ain’t getting paid for
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Book ZDoggMD, the funniest healthcare speaker / rapper ever! (also the ONLY healthcare speaker / rapper ever)
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