The bane of every hospitalist, resident, and intern. And now, with Medicare clamping down with financial penalties and Obamacare all up in it, the Medical Industrial Complex is taking serious notice. One could spend hours discussing why hospital readmission rates are so high, but luckily for your sanity (and ours), ZDoggMD Industries once again cuts to the chase—with a smooth R&B anthem addressing 73.5% of it! And despite being a parody of R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix),” there is MINIMAL urination in the video: “p”<0.005 #TadDumCHING!
Sippin’ on Gin ‘n Boost
Our video production crew Variables of Light really busted out on this one—they were fantastic to work with and made my life an order of magnitude more easy (normally, I do all that shooting and editing myself—which leaves me much less time to throw a fit about why the sandwiches in my dressing room aren’t cut in half just so).
Devin Moore, Rabbit! rockstar hero and the dopest patient/DJ ever, just killed it on the audio production. He also tossed out some insane rock star moves on the ward, all with his a** hanging out in a patient gown. BOOM! That’s dedication, son.
July Effect, Welcome To Tha’ Machine, Interns!
Eternal gratitude to the amazing residents of the University of Nevada for forming the best R&B medical crew a parody rapper could want: Randhi M Wijekularatne, Sarah Shewayish, Lorena Zepeda, Hamayon Babary, Kevin Mailland, and Karam A Batieha.
Special thanks to our favorite ICU doc, Dr. Hide Shigemitsu, for rocking the video and organizing the extras!
And thanks to Jenna Fox, Turntable Health mistress and the pretty much the dopest hospital administrator in a music video—EVER. Really, that’s an MTV Award category. Maybe.
Get ZDoggMD to come speak in YOUR healthcare ‘hood!
Now, um, usually I don’t do this but uh….
Go on ‘head on d/c ’em with a lil’ preview of the readmit….
Now I’m not trying to be rude
But hey CHF is killing you
Lungs congested up with fluid
While my census is 32
That’s why I’m all up in yo’ grill
Tryin’ ta get ya to a Lasix pill
You must be an HMO
The way you’ll not be payin’ the bill
D/c to home, whoo hoo
Pager gimme that beep beep
Bouncing right back to the ER
Crackles, wheezing, edema
Why do I rush to d/c ’em
It’s like my 10th readmission
Not the sharpest clinician
But I thought a CHF patient
Oughta eat Kentucky Fried Chicken
Sole caregiver’s the son
I’m like, so what he’s 1
There’s a freakin’ PICC in
All he had to do was manage the pump
Bounce bounce back
Now it’s like murder she wrote
Once I get you out tha’ do’
PCP is screaming “whoa”
And Medicare won’t pay no mo’
Girl I’m feeling that you’re healin’
I’m just hoping and wishing
All of those bloody BMs
Mean a colitis remission
So gimme that D/C
Poo the color of beet beets
Bouncing straight back to the ER
Found down in diarrhea
Press Ganey score is sub-zero
It’s just one more readmission
No love from the Joint Commission
’Cause my 1-day prednisone taper’s
Probably why her colon’s now missin’
D/c creatinine 1
Now it’s 7 point something
It’s the freakin’ weekend
Who’m I gonna get to place a Quinton?
Crystals poppin’ on the joint aspiration
I guess I missed colchicine on the med reconciliation
We got swellin’ on the left, he’s flaccid on the right
The INR is 12 so they’ll be paging all night
And after the stroke there’s the aspiration
And after he chokes there’s the intubation
And round about 4 we hit the nurse’s station
And take it to the room for defibrillation
To the unit now, whoo hoo
Ventilator goes beep beep
At least he’s off of my floor
Don’t need to see him no more
Till I’m subpoena’d for court
Let’s just prevent readmissions
Manage those chronic conditions
Need time preparing the handoff
Move along to other clinicians
Verbal instructions are clear
Only if the patient can hear
Takes some freakin’ tweakin
If we’re gonna get our peeps to adhere
Girl we up on this ward
Writing D/C notes
Patients get the heave-ho
Bouncing back and forth
A revolving door
To the readmit
We ain’t getting paid for