Treat Yourself (A Bieber Opioid Ballad)

For all the times that I gave you my help

And still you turned around and dissed me on Yelp

You say you lost your pain meds, girl please what the health?

You never lose your script for lisinopril!

And I didn’t wanna write a song, cause I didn’t want anyone thinking I was breaking HIPAA

But have you heard of Prince, huh?
And maybe you should move along

Cuz I won’t be party to all this desperate drug seeking

I’d like to keep you breathing
And my nurse, she don’t like you and she likes everyone

And Big Pharma ain’t likely to admit that they were wrong
But we got so caught up treating pain, couldn’t see what’s going on

But now I know, above all we’ve been doing harm

So if you’d like that script for percocet

Then maybe you can go see someone else

And if you think you ain’t an addict yet

Then baby you should go and treat yourself

And when you told me that you rated your pain

Ten outta ten while you’re there texting your friends

And every time I told you oxycontin was wrong

I get another Press Ganey survey bomb

And I didn’t wanna write a script, but I didn’t want lawyers to say that I don’t care about pain, now where’d I put that Narcan?

And maybe Purdue Pharma’s wrong, when they pushed that everyone should be slanging all that Oxy, they honest like Bill Cosby

And this opioid crisis, is killing everyone

CMS, they ain’t likely to admit that they were wrong

Chronic pain folks are suffering

Treated like they’re criminals

But now I know

It’s time we fixed what going wrong

So if you like those HCAHPS scores so much, then maybe you should go run a hotel

And if you think that pain’s a vital sign

Then baby you should go and burn in hell

For all the times that I made you feel small

As if addiction was some character flaw

We should be treating folks when they’re so vulnerable

We’re losing lives, why can’t we break down these walls

Cuz if you’d like that script for narcs so much

Then maybe we should help you get some help

And if you think you can’t quit all alone

Then baby we can help you treat yourself