More stimulation for your HipHopocampus, y’all…

After the Ulcer Rap, which was my first swipe at communing with my inner gangsta, a YouTube user suggested I do a song about STDs and pregnancy. Hence the genesis of Pull n’ Pray, after the colloquialism for coitus interruptus. For those out of the loop, this is a controversial birth control method wherein the male withdraws prior to climax in an attempt to prevent sperm from hi-fiving egg. Pull out, then pray that no one gets pregnant or diseased. Debatable as a birth control method, useless for sexually transmitted disease prevention, but fantastic as the hook for a song. Although the same YouTube user suggested the title “Wrap It or Slap It,” which was tempting…

Dr. Harry and I slaved away writing and recording this ditty in our limited free time, and we’re proud of how it turned out, being original work (like Check Tha’ Tissue) rather than a parody of someone else’s hard work. Plus, we got to eat a lot of BBQ and drink many beers during the writing, recording, and editing process. The wives, however, were left to fend off Child Protective Services — someone must have called the authorities when they overheard my toddler crooning “When you pull and praaaay” in Target.

Samix, our insane turntable maestro, was kind enough to let us use one of his fantastic beats for Pull & Pray. He’s worked with legitimate, successful rappers in the past, which makes it that much more absurd that he would agree to work with a couple of wankstas like us. After all, I did all the recording and mixing using Apple’s basic Garageband software (which I had never even double-clicked on prior to this). And all the video editing was done in iMovie. A professional production enterprise this ain’t, but we try to fake it.

I even bought some fancy ear-goggles and a mike with the panty-hose to protect it from spit and halitosis (see the video). How bad-ass is that? Ok, not very. But I sure felt like Jay Z for a second or two, and I’m positive Dr. Harry felt like Justin Beiber.

Don’t tell him I told you that.

For the video, our radiologist buddy from medical school Dr. Diego makes a repeat appearance, playing multiple roles: the protagonist, the chef with crabs, and the very sexy lady love interest. He also does much of the filming. Invaluable as always…no one can wear a dress with as much authority as him.

Tell him I told you that.

 

 

 

Pull & Pray – The Safe Sex Song



[Intro]


Zdogg MD, Dr. Harry in the 0-1-0


Talking bout the ills that’ll chill the biggest mobsta


These aint that kinda crabs you can buy at red lobsta


Though you can probably get a helpin’ from the chef…on the house.


You feel me?


[Verse 1]


It’s Friday evening, you’re chillin’ with your homies when you spot this shorty


You brought your dance moves but forgot your Jimmy-hats


Forget it brutha, what could happen, she looks clean to me…


[Rap 1]


When you don’t use a condom then you pull out and pray


That her twenty other lovers didn’t play the same way and better pray that prayer bears fruit And your chosen deity don’t put your prayer on mute


See this ain’t no gusher like BP, it’s a drip-drip, from the tip, of your pee pee, an S to tha TD, Infects your wee wee, what you can’t see can lay you out, inflamed like gout


Doc used to rout it out with a q-tip in you tip


Gonorrhea, chlamydia? You sank my battleship!


[Chorus 1]


When you pull and pray


The blisters on your privates may not go away


The burning that you’re feeling isn’t love, per se


Think twice before you pull and pray.


[Verse 2]


It’s Tuesday morning


Something down there’s burning so you check your Johnson


What the heck man? What’s this dripping


In your pants?


You do a search on Google, oh snap!


It looks like VD!


[Rap 2]


When you are barin’ it you’re sharin’ it, every little bit o’ ya


Gonorrhea, syphilis, warts, lice, and chlamydia


But at least these beasts have leases that expire


If treated they’re less dire and cures can be acquired


But like Steven Seagal, herpes is hard to kill, there’s a pill that’ll maybe get the ill to chill


But you’ll still have to tell your future wife


That those blisters on her Mister spell “simplex for life!”


What’s the solution to this conundrum?


Time to introduce my homie, Jean Claude ConDom!


[Chorus 2]


When you pull and pray


The cabbage on your crankshaft won’t just go away


The creepies in your crawlspace might be here to stay


You’ll pay if you pull and pray


[Verse 3]


It’s 9 months later there’s a message on your voicemail


From that shorty


It seems she missed a visit from her Auntie Flo


Around the month you two hooked up, yo!


Looks like you’re a daddy!


[Rap 3]


Don’t make a mistake that takes 1.21 gigawatts to make the Delorean take


You Back to the Future to suture your pants shut


(While you’re there don’t be a man-slut and accidentally date your mom)


WHAT?


One sperm to rule them all is all you need so keep your seed wrapped in plastic, G


Like Gollum with his precious, you front like you’re a playa


But like the One Ring, Pull and Pray’ll betray ya!


[Chorus 3]


When you pull and pray


A fate worse than an STD may crawl your way


It doesnt burn or itch or drip, but cries all day


Why’d you have to try to pull and pray?


“Yo Z, we forgot to hit HIV”


“Why homie, they cured that see?”


“Naw, you’re thinking of impotence, G.


Better get tested ASAP.”


Why’d ya have to pull and pray? (repeated)


Why’d ya have to play pull and pray today?


Clap your hands but don’t get Clap on your glans, OK?


Why’d ya have to play pull and pray today?


And don’t forget about HIV, OK?

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