Dr. Poomoji’s Side Hustle

– I can’t help having a bit of an entrepreneurial spirit so I have a side hustle on eBay where I sell found objects. Which are all the rage with the steam punks now. They are found objects in the rectum. So I take them, I pluck them out with the colonoscope I charge the $500, and then I double dip because I take them, maybe clean them a little bit, use one of those microfiber rags you get at Costco, wipe it out, and put on eBay with a description. Magical found item, don’t ask, don’t tell. Only $500. And I sell them like butt cakes. I sometimes put them in a box and call them mystery butt box, you never know what you’re going to get. And people are like, is it clean? I’m like they don’t realize, when it comes out of the buttocks, it’s actually rather pristine. Because the mucosa lubricates and keeps everything clean. The poopie is much higher up in the butthole and it’s practically sterile, if you consider sterile to be only 70,000 colonies of potentially disease forming pathogens. Shigella, the e coli, what could come out of the mystery box? You never know, and that’s what makes it exciting. I’m going to have to be honest, I feel like the fee for service thing, which is how I get paid, is unethical because I’m paid to do things to peoples buttocks and to redeem myself, I do this mission as a spiritual cleansing to clean the karma. I take the thing from the buttocks, that were used with evil intent, and I put them to good use making money to support my little pooplings. The Japanese have a word, wabisabi, it means take dirty thing from the butt and make them beautiful again. So let’s just say, I’m going wabisabi on eBay today, and the auction ends in five minutes. So get on there, buddies, because somebody needs a Lexus. ♪ Rude. ♪

– Let he who has not passed through a buttocks cast the first peanut.