I Try (To Be A Nurse) — A Macy Gray Parody

I love nurses.

Simple as that. Apart from saving my backside innumerable times, they more often than not understand exactly what a patient really needs. And sometimes that’s 5mg of IV Haldol.

But occasionally we doctors lose sight of their innate awesomeness, so immersed are we in the daily grind of trying to survive in, and protect our patients from, this ridiculous parody of a healthcare system. (Editors note: Joy Behar from The View needs to realize that it’s only a “doctor’s stethoscope” because that doctor likely borrowed it from a nurse and failed to return it. #NURSESUNITE )

So in honor of nurses and aspiring nurses everywhere, we thought we’d take it to the old skool—1999—with a Macy Gray “I Try” parody. Nursing, much like pimpin’, ain’t easy—but we docs (and our patients) love and appreciate you. Enough to put on eyeliner and lipstick. (OK, you got me, I’d do that for many pharmacists as well. And also for no reason at all. Wait, what?)

Most importantly, this video was my excuse—at long last—to finally unleash my dormant high school guitar “skillz.” As mentioned in my TEDMED talk, I have always dreamed of being a rock star—but apparently I was deficient in something folks used to call “talent.” As this video clearly demonstrates, that deficiency is persistent. But thanks to the inestimable and talent-replete Devin Moore (whom you will remember as the bass player and vaguely neurotic germ-o-phobe in our Ebola parody), this insane audio production almost makes my 80’s metal guitar solo sound, well, like an 80’s metal guitar solo. Whitesnake? Poison? Guns n’ Roses? Amateurs, each and all.

As far as credits, I’ll fess up to writing the lyrics, singing the ditty, recording the acoustic and electric guitar parts, and editing the video. But Devin Moore polished my audio turd into what you hear now, AND he puts up with me being an insufferable man-diva. Melat Demeke shot most of the footage (she’s a brand-new Turntable Health employee…which means she’s conscripted into video duty against her will and probably against most labor laws). I think she did a bang-up job, with some minor assist from Mrs. Dogg. And thanks to Katie Ryan for the foley and IV!

But the show was stolen, of course, by a nurse, serendipitously visiting Turntable from the Bay Area—one Kimberly Ding, and her adorable 6 month old son Lucas. Thanks to both of you for keeping it (literally) real!

So share this with all those nurses on the front lines of healthcare, nurturing our patients (and often us docs) back to wellness. BOOM.

PS During the video shoot, I ran out to my car to feed a meter and got into a battle with the parking officer who was there writing me a ticket. He let me off. It was only later that I realized I was still wearing an afro wig, eyeliner, and lipstick. I’m pretty sure this had everything to do with my lax treatment, but I’d need a placebo-controlled trial to prove it. Either way, this dressing as a girl thing is working out pretty well. OK, forget I said that.

 

Sign up for the ZDoggMD email list here!

 

Get ZDoggMD to come speak in YOUR healthcare ‘hood!

 

 

10600399_10103755517170293_6532493185290449163_n

Nurse Kim ridiculing my directorial style. PS: does this hat make me look fat?

10404066_10103755517230173_373186229148974837_n

OK, can you breakdance? With an IV?

10882261_10103755517135363_5193777433577932170_n

Hard to beat real life when faking life on camera. Amazing.

 

Nurses out on strike

\r\n

Say you’re getting no respect

\r\n

And you’re not…

\r\n

I believe that my patients will see

\r\n

I can do what you nurses do

\r\n

Got it locked…

\r\n

I hit the break room for potluck and then

\r\n

30 call lights and I smell feces…

\r\n \r\n

I try to feed bed 5 and he chokes

\r\n

I try an IV line and I fumble

\r\n

When I try the foley, it’s clear

\r\n

My ward crumbles without the nurse here

\r\n

I try one more poke

\r\n

Take a verbal from some intern who mumbles

\r\n

C. diff streamin’ right out the rear

\r\n

I miss nurses when you are not here…

\r\n \r\n

Here is my confession

\r\n

To the nursing profession

\r\n

Our patients need your touch

\r\n

And I miss you so much

\r\n

We make a nifty team

\r\n

Is that Bed 15’s scream?

\r\n

(How do I make this IV stop beeping?)

\r\n

Sundowning dude tried to punch me again

\r\n

Potluck gave me diarrhea

\r\n \r\n

I try to suction 10 and he chokes

\r\n

Ambulate bed 9 and she stumbles

\r\n

Demented guy in 12 groped my rear

\r\n

I wish nurses were back up in here

\r\n

Bed 5’s gone to smoke

\r\n

Clean the ashes from his wound where they crumble

\r\n

Joint Commission thinks I’m impaired

\r\nMy ward crumbles without the nurse here!

  • Donna

    Great video-thanks for letting the world know that we DO keep ya’ll from killing our patients!

    • Beth

      Hush up!

  • David L RN

    Thanks man. And you’re right nursing ain’t easy. But it helps when you have a good doc too. \n

  • Dakota Plant

    Okay,Dogg, I got lost. All I wanted to say was thank you for all that you do.

  • speedyturtle

    You should do one for nurses aides!!

    • You guys deserve one, that’s for sure!

  • Jed Olson

    Thanks for giving props to the nurses; no health care facility can get a damn thing done without the nurses around. I know I’d be lost without them. My nurses will love this video!

  • Kiley Nelson

    As a nursing student, thanks in advance! \nWhat is the role of RN’s at Turntable?

    • Thank YOU.\n\n\nNurses at Turntable have various cool roles, from “Nurse Innovator” who sort of runs the practice, to health coach roles and more.

  • Dr.EmiliaRutigliano

    Was a R.N for many years before becoming an MD (surgeon then psychiatrist). Some of my most trying dsys & nights were as RN ; physically destroying my back & neck, working understaffed and intense alone mess with poor back up, and little respect. RN supervisors ear their young. Great parody for a necessary job.

    • Great perspective! Thanks for sharing.

  • We need this on MTV – Thanks Doc!

  • Susan

    Thanks doc. This is great. Happy Nurses week!

  • Sue

    Thanks Doc ! We work best as a team , but thank u 4 getting it . An RN 4 39 years & still love it ❤️

  • Bettina Dwyer

    I think midwives would also appreciate a man of your paradoxical talents. Salt n Pepa ‘push it’ springs to mind. Tee hee hee

  • Michelle Holder

    So funny and true!!

  • Wendy VanEtten

    We need more Doctors like you! Thank you for the recognition and the funny video!

  • Mary Ann Dietz

    excellent. Nurses are so wonderful! My hospital stays and my sons were made so much better by the nursing staff.

THA' GREATEST

screen-shot-2016-10-07-at-11-26-16-am

The Scent of Inevitability

A scent to remember…

Low | Flo Rida Outpatient Parody | ZDoggMD

Low (An Outpatient Clinic Jam)

She had them apple bottom scrubs, crocs with the fur…

screen-shot-2016-10-04-at-4-38-26-pm

Doc Vader on Parents Who Don’t Vaccinate

#VaccinateYourSpawn

Lose Yourself | #unbreakhealthcare | ZDoggMD

Lose Yourself

Time to #unbreakhealthcare.

Treat Yourself | ZDoggMD

Treat Yourself (A Bieber Opioid Ballad)

And if you think you ain’t an addict yet, then baby you should probably treat yourself.

Doc Vader | Readmissions | ZDoggMD

Doc Vader on Readmissions

Let them eat cake…and when they bounce back? #LIGHTSABER

Doc Vader | Student Loans | ZDoggMD.com

Doc Vader On Student Loans

I drive a Jeep Wrangler.

Doc Vaders Talk End-Of-Life Planning | ZDoggMD.com

Doc Vader On End-Of-Life Planning

Have the conversation today…before YOU become 90% robot.

Doc Vader | Anti-vaccine | ZDoggMD

Doc Vader On Anti-Vaxxers

#VaccinateYourSpawn

Doc Vader | ZDoggMD

Doc Vader, On Patient Satisfaction

Time to go DARK SIDE on HCAHPS.

THA' DOPEST

Alternative medicine | Meditation | Zubin Damania

Hippies (Twenty One Pilots “Heathens” Parody)

Give “p’s” a chance. (p<0.05) A meditation on "alternative" medicine.

Low | Flo Rida Outpatient Parody | ZDoggMD

Low (An Outpatient Clinic Jam)

She had them apple bottom scrubs, crocs with the fur…

Lose Yourself | #unbreakhealthcare | ZDoggMD

Lose Yourself

Time to #unbreakhealthcare.

Treat Yourself | ZDoggMD

Treat Yourself (A Bieber Opioid Ballad)

And if you think you ain’t an addict yet, then baby you should probably treat yourself.

7 Years | Zubin Damania | ZDoggMD

7 Years (A Life In Medicine)

We are standing at a crossroads in healthcare. Behind us lies a long-lost, nostalgia-tinged world of unfettered physician autonomy, sacred doctor-patient relationships, and a laser-like focus on Read More

Healthcare speaker | Medical Keynote | Funny Keynote Speaker

Best Healthcare Speaker, EVER?

Book ZDoggMD, the funniest healthcare speaker / rapper ever! (also the ONLY healthcare speaker / rapper ever)

ZDoggMD | Zubin Damania | Healthcare Speaker | Medical Speaker

Dear Nurses

Dear Nurses, you ARE appreciated! A special tribute, from a doctor to nurses everywhere.

Vaccines | ZVlogg 035 | ZDoggMD.com

I Was Wrong About Vaccines

I totally got it wrong…VACCINES SUCK.

Screen Shot 2016-03-17 at 8.55.13 AM

Zika (Viral Luka Parody)

A “viral” video.