My recipe for steaming-hot Hospitalist Parody Rap Consommé:

Basic Ingredients

  • 1 instrumental track for Jay-Z rap ditty; cutting edge…back in 1998
  • 1 overworked hospital medicine specialist, beaten down and nearly broken (with plenty of marbled fat)
  • 1 piece x-treme movie editing software (Final Cut Pro or equivalent. Please see 10000-page attached manual for directions on use)
  • about 12 hours worth of freshly squeezed free time

Write, record, mix, master, film, edit, post. Intended to serve millions, but will likely only be consumed by tens. May result in lawsuit and/or murder by Jay-Z, or worse yet, a sound benchpressing by an orthopedic surgeon. Enjoy! And check the LIVE VERSION HERE!

 

And make sure to download the track for your Hard Doc’s Workout by clicking here!


It’s the Hard Doc’s Life for us
Hospital Doc’s Life for us
Specialists they got it made
We do the work while they get paid
It’s the Hard Doc’s Life
 
From standing on the unit roundin’
To learning some of the thickest charts a doc has ever seen
To hearing some of the sickest hearts a doc has ever heard
Do the weekend, working nights and all the shifts between
You know me well from Pull & Pray and the Ulcer Rap
Still I take crap from insurance and the housestaff
F**k that!
 
To PCPs treatin’ sick folks
(mad props)
While the consultant’s tellin’ dick jokes
(that flop)
 
I fill out paperwork all day long
(no doubt)
Then nurses tell me that I did it wrong
(white out)
 
See 20 patients but get paid squat, uh huh
The radiologist just bought a yacht, what the?
Nurses be laughing at the ties I bought
Shop frugally and save money at Marshall’s and Ross
*Payless!*
They call a code when I come thru
Just don’t be asking me to run it, yo, I got notes to do…
 
It’s the Hard Doc’s Life for us
Orthopods consulting us
See their train wrecks every day
They fix the bone then walk away
It’s the Hard Doc’s Life
 
I flow for those gomed out; sundowning
Locked down in the posey vest, just tryin’ to bust out
I roll with old folks, got no veins for IV pokes
Septic and found down, in stool, a code brown
Yellow gown itchin’, deep in debt from med school tuition
C diff, MRSA, up in my kitchen?!
Intern’s bitchin’ bout work hours, he’s checkin’ the clock
But Imma be on call whether I’m on call or not
We went from lukewarm to hot; fillin’ the hospitals with docs
Who practice evidence-based logic like Spock
Straight talk from my homies who work in the ED
Mad luv, ‘less your calling bout another syncope
I disagree with the phony UM docs mess with my homies
I’m like still, y’all don’t control me, sh***
I like to bill, but when my patient census ain’t improving
I’m tryin’ to dispo everything moving…
 
It’s the Hard Doc’s Life for us
Too many patients for each of us
Try to discharge, make ’em pack
Overdo it, they bounce back
It’s the Hard Doc’s Life for us
Hospital Doc’s life for us
Hardest job we’ll ever do
Next to cleaning baby poo…
It’s the Hard Doc’s Life

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  • Love it! So true about the orthopedic surgeons. I asked one in PACU the other day how a hip pinning had gone. He said “Fine. It was easy. Now THEY have to keep him alive”. I guess you are the “they” in question 🙂

  • That was awesome.

  • Amy

    Love it! I’m in the ED and I love my hospitalists! So true about ortho . . . whenever we have an ortho patient that needs to be admitted its “Admit to the hospitalist and we’ll see them in the morning on consult.”

  • Zed – you da man!\nC

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  • Erik DeLue

    Absolutely fabulous.

  • Glad y’all liked it, it was certainly cathartic (in a non-laxative way) for me!

    • Jess

      This is hysterical. As a hospitalist who lives this anthem, I say you go boy!!!

  • Docmarker

    Way to go! This is my hospital life!

  • Doc Qixote

    As a surgeon, I’d like to say I actually really appreciate the hosptalist’s efforts post-op helping to keep my patients alive. Assuming that my patients actually stay alive. I never really check.

    • Eb

      Heh. True dat.

  • Chris

    Loved it! Also your other videos which I have now all seen. Awesome guys! I’ll be forwarding your site on to the other family medicine residents here in Calgary to also see.

    • Awesome! Many thanks, and say hi to the Jamaican Bob Sled team for me. What? That was Calgary 1988?!? Damn I’m old.

      • Doc Quixote

        It’s not as bad as you think Z…”Cool Runnings,” the heart-warming biopic upon which much of our collective cultural memory of the Jamaican bobsled team is based, was only in 1993.

        • Thanks Quixote. Ironically, I believe Cool Runnings was the feel-good hit of the summer that year.

  • Diana Chiong

    OMG! Our Hospitalist team loves the Hospitalist Anthem! It’s soooooo true!! I was so friggin depressed after seeing 25-30 patients/day my last 7 day shift, then I saw this video!! Love it~ Thanks!!

  • I think I was sent to this website to view this, as a warning of what is to come for our hospitalist group this year… 😉

  • sosena

    That was hysterical- I laughed so hard but the truth in it is so painful that I am glad someone has found some humor in it- I am passing it on to all my physician friends who have it easier than us!!!\n\nThank you!

  • Noemi

    I loved this video. I am a peds hospitalist, and one of our partners sent this video to the group. I almost died laughing! We go through the exact same thing except our patients are smaller and cuter and smell nicer. Baby poo actually does not stink…….or perhaps I have been doing this too long. And I shop at discount stores and put up with clock-watching residents. Great job ZDoggMD! You should take your show on the road!

    • Thanks for the feedback, would love to go on the road and need a manager who doesn’t mind baby poo. You in?

  • This is amazing! Laughed hard 😀

  • WTF? Fantastic stuff. Should be on Daily Show, Letterman, and even Oprah ! Get an Agent, better yet, let me be your agent.

    • Sold! Have your people talk to my people. I’m not sure what that means, but it sounded professional to me.

  • I’m a hospitalist in Portland, OR. Just found out about your website. LOVE it! You’re all fly, dope, gangstas! Spreadin’ the word…

    • Yo, we hospitalists gots ta keep it real! Your blog is pretty fly too, thanks for the love!

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  • Lori Parker

    I’m a hospitalist in Georgia. Needed to see this in the ED when I was so covered with admissions I was feeling jealous of my next patient in orange complimented with ankle and wrist “bracelets”. That dude at least gets 3 meals a day and pee breaks…\nYour video is a hilarious work of art. Love it!

    • Yo, I’ve been there…almost makes me wanna call up my parole officer and ask him if I can voluntarily go back to the hoosegow! Certainly would be an improvement over some days on call…

  • You just described a day in the life of my team…only i’m in Arizona so the specialist bought a plane instead of a yacht LOL\nYou rock!

    • What? Someone just sold me some oceanfront property in Arizona! Glad you liked the video!

  • ScutMonkey

    Damn, med team B was all gathered for a viewing but the VA blocks youtube! You need to find a video host that gets around their nefarious firewall.

    • Yo, we be on iTunes and Blip.tv too, see if that foils Uncle Sam’s eGoons!

  • zeta

    as an Ortho surgeon ..big “smile on my face” heheheh…100% true .. we fix the bone!! that’s all heheh … ;-p

  • SJ

    Sooo true! I live it everyday. Thanks for making me laugh about it !!

  • Just found you guys. Totally awesome. Aside from entertaining doctors, your parodies help us common folk understand some of the issues the medical community deals with on a daily basis. And you always can make your argument so much stronger with humor – like in your vaccine anthem. Well done.

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  • Medx

    Wow, I was thinking of going into internal medicine to become a hospitalist. Glad I watched this because it has thoroughly convinced me otherwise.

    • Folks…I just saved a life today. I kid, I kid, hospital medicine is great! Except for the parts that aren’t.

  • So funny, so true, why do we do it, haha!

    • Word. Love your blog BTW!

  • Nice