My recipe for steaming-hot Hospitalist Parody Rap Consommé:

Basic Ingredients

  • 1 instrumental track for Jay-Z rap ditty; cutting edge…back in 1998
  • 1 overworked hospital medicine specialist, beaten down and nearly broken (with plenty of marbled fat)
  • 1 piece x-treme movie editing software (Final Cut Pro or equivalent. Please see 10000-page attached manual for directions on use)
  • about 12 hours worth of freshly squeezed free time

Write, record, mix, master, film, edit, post. Intended to serve millions, but will likely only be consumed by tens. May result in lawsuit and/or murder by Jay-Z, or worse yet, a sound benchpressing by an orthopedic surgeon. Enjoy! And check the LIVE VERSION HERE!

 

And make sure to download the track for your Hard Doc’s Workout by clicking here!


It’s the Hard Doc’s Life for us
Hospital Doc’s Life for us
Specialists they got it made
We do the work while they get paid
It’s the Hard Doc’s Life
 
From standing on the unit roundin’
To learning some of the thickest charts a doc has ever seen
To hearing some of the sickest hearts a doc has ever heard
Do the weekend, working nights and all the shifts between
You know me well from Pull & Pray and the Ulcer Rap
Still I take crap from insurance and the housestaff
F**k that!
 
To PCPs treatin’ sick folks
(mad props)
While the consultant’s tellin’ dick jokes
(that flop)
 
I fill out paperwork all day long
(no doubt)
Then nurses tell me that I did it wrong
(white out)
 
See 20 patients but get paid squat, uh huh
The radiologist just bought a yacht, what the?
Nurses be laughing at the ties I bought
Shop frugally and save money at Marshall’s and Ross
*Payless!*
They call a code when I come thru
Just don’t be asking me to run it, yo, I got notes to do…
 
It’s the Hard Doc’s Life for us
Orthopods consulting us
See their train wrecks every day
They fix the bone then walk away
It’s the Hard Doc’s Life
 
I flow for those gomed out; sundowning
Locked down in the posey vest, just tryin’ to bust out
I roll with old folks, got no veins for IV pokes
Septic and found down, in stool, a code brown
Yellow gown itchin’, deep in debt from med school tuition
C diff, MRSA, up in my kitchen?!
Intern’s bitchin’ bout work hours, he’s checkin’ the clock
But Imma be on call whether I’m on call or not
We went from lukewarm to hot; fillin’ the hospitals with docs
Who practice evidence-based logic like Spock
Straight talk from my homies who work in the ED
Mad luv, ‘less your calling bout another syncope
I disagree with the phony UM docs mess with my homies
I’m like still, y’all don’t control me, sh***
I like to bill, but when my patient census ain’t improving
I’m tryin’ to dispo everything moving…
 
It’s the Hard Doc’s Life for us
Too many patients for each of us
Try to discharge, make ’em pack
Overdo it, they bounce back
It’s the Hard Doc’s Life for us
Hospital Doc’s life for us
Hardest job we’ll ever do
Next to cleaning baby poo…
It’s the Hard Doc’s Life