Diarrhea, The Musical

It all started a couple of weeks ago when ZDogg called me up, out of the blue. My first thought was, “How does he know to always call me when I’m trying to check out at Target?” It’s uncanny. The last time he did that I was so distracted I forgot one of my shopping bags. Unfortunately, it was the one with my new Fushigi in it.

“I want to discuss your role on the website. Your job is to provide the perspective of a general surgeon on whatever our hot topic is,” he said.

“But what about my crusade…you know, to spread awareness about medical topics?”

“You’ll have to work on that on your own time!”

Well, I’ve been there before…you can go to the ball, Cinderella–after you finish your chores.

Which brings me to my next point…do you know the song from Cinderella:

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes”?

Well when I was a child, I once dreamed that there were carrots growing under my bed, and for years I wondered, “Why on earth would my heart wish for carrots to grow under my bed?” Apparently I thought that Disney songs were immutable truth like, say, the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle. It wasn’t until years later that I realized all Disney songs needn’t be taken so literally. Case in point: “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” from The Lion King…. frankly, no, I can’t.

But I digress.

Before you ask for my perspective, let me explain how out of touch I am with general clinical medicine. The other day I was talking with a colleague who explained that a shared patient had vitamin B12 deficiency.  I thought, “B12? My God, they’re still discovering new B vitamins!” You see, when I went to medical school, there were only a couple of B vitamins…niacin and beri beri, I think.  Now I can’t swing a cat without knocking over a new B vitamin. Apparently they’re up to at least twelve!

So anyway, the other day I dreamed that I was a divine instrument, spreading awareness about the number one killer worldwide…you guessed it, diarrhea. Maybe it doesn’t get a lot of press, but it’s still #1 {Editor’s Note: This is demonstrably false.} Since I dreamed it I assumed it was a wish my heart made. I decided to follow my heart–much like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. And as Jennifer Beals entered into the chrysalis of a welding job and emerged a butterfly/flashdancer, I will undergo no less startling a transformation as I, in my quest for apotheosis,  put my fevered study of B vitamins on hold (oddly, my text makes no mention of vitamins B7 through 9…what is going on here?) to generate a hit song to raise diarrhea awareness. Diarrhea, the Musical. But sometimes writing a hit song is harder than it looks…


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  • Awesome – about time Acca-Dacca featured on this blog!\n\nChris

    • Indeed. I purport “Crack in Black” might have been a reasonable parody as well, but what do I know. There’s no controlling Quixote!

    • Doc Quixote

      Yes, I toyed with “Highway to Smell” and “Who Made Poo” as well…do I sense another video coming on?

      • Doc Quixote

        “Poot to Thrill,” “Have a Stink on Me,” “Hell’s Smells”…let’s face it, I celebrate the their entire catalog! (Also note I’m replying to my own reply…another ZDoggmd.com first!)

        • Keep the firsts coming!… All I could come up with was “For those about to flush”, “Thundercrap” and “She pooped all night long…” …\n\nC

          • Doc Quixote

            That settles it…we’re making an album. First song “It’s a long way to the pot (if you wanna take a dump)” Seems clumsy at first, but pot is top spelled backwards so it breaks even

        • Hello, i think that i saw you visited my website thus i came to “return the favor”.\nI am trying to find things to enhance my site!I suppose its ok \nto use a few of your ideas!!

  • Maria Olivar Lawson

    I think Doc Quixote is very entertaining and very informing about his topic. I just wish he would refrain from making negative comments about Mexico. After all he he would not be here today if a few risks had not been taken by his ancestors to come here.

    • Doc Quixote

      Good point…that’s Montezuma’s REAL revenge!

  • Why am I still amused by songs about diarrhoea? I’m sure I should have grown out of it by now. I’m assuming a couple of years spent in the company of surgeons is responsible. Loved this!

    • Doc Quixote

      “ARE YOU NOT INFO-TAINED?” Just imagine me dressed as a gladiator while I shout that (coming soon).

  • I thought it was very entertaining

    • Doc Quixote

      I guess I fell a little short on the “info” part…damn that Wikipedia! But I hope you enjoyed it!

  • I added your link to my blog–I’m an RN with Crohn’s and poop rules! Literally….. I nearly fell off the couch laughing at your video. Thanks!\n\n~Sheila

    • Doc Quixote

      Thanks for the mention! And sorry about knocking you off your couch…even in my comedy, my rule is “First, do no harm!”

  • Good stuff! Thanks for the laugh.\n\nJust FYI, I linked you in my blog this morning.\nhttp://drmaliareckons.posterous.com/the-mundane-diarrhea-family-medicine-and-a-ya\n\n… ps … sorry for calling you “bland.” 😉

    • Doc Quixote

      Thanks for the props…and bland is OK, the old curse is “may you live in interesting times.” And although I may seem bland, for the record, my hair was awesome!

  • Docmarker

    Have you thought about Jimmy Buffet?\n\nTrying to Reason with the Diarrhea Season \n\nBalls out in the toilet,\nBig stools coming since noon.\nI passed out on floor,\nWhen I woke the room was festooned….

    • Wow dude, looks like you’re wasting away again in diarrhea-ville!

    • Doc Quixote

      Why don’t we get drunk and poo?

  • I just found you on the medical blog awards. You are hilarious!!

    • Awesome! Now make sure to vote for us, because it’s neck and neck!

    • Doc Quixote

      Actually we don’t care about the contest…good comedy is it’s own reward. Yeah right! Vote, I’m begging you!

  • So funny I just about sh*t myself.

    • Doc Quixote

      Sadly, it was just such an incident that served as my inspiration…I wish I was kidding.

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