Blank Script (A Taylor Swift Parody)

Drug seekers.

 

Any healthcare provider who claim’s they’re a fan could use a hefty infusion of Narcan.

But then I spent a brutal weekend spent shooting and editing our latest video, Blank Script, a Taylor Swift “Blank Space” parody about prescription drug abuse. Afterwards, I was perfectly inclined to saunter right into the nearest ER, mouth off about the dog eating my Dilaudid prescription and my 12/10 pain, and go down in a blissful opioid-induced coma…constipation and all. Sure, making this song and video was a team effort, with Devin Moore rocking the audio and the role of DevinMD. Dr. Harry, after all, donated a lion’s share of lyrical fireworks. Oh, and of course Melate Demeke (Turntable Health employee of the millennia) manned (or is it womanned?) the cameras, wardrobe, and makeup. But I’m still the one who had to deal with runs in my panty hose, nip slips, and a disturbing incident of high heels vs. a bottle of Purell (don’t ask…it was a one-in-a-million shot, doc).

So in the end, I learned a little something called empathy. As obnoxious and manipulative as these patients’ behavior can be, at the end of the day aren’t they just expressing the external manifestations of a soul-destroying, unrelenting addiction…and aren’t we really just witnessing a profound and miserable form of human suffering? Akin to having to sit through “Shake It Off” by Ms. Swift? And isn’t the medical profession, in our haste to provide comfort, at partially responsible for the overuse of narcotics that have triggered this opioid epidemic (with no help from Big Pharma)?

But that doesn’t make it any easier on us healthcare peeps working the front lines and confronting this daily. So it is for these amazing, dedicated medical professionals AND our addicted and suffering patients that we humbly present the fabulous Tay-Z, singing the tale of our least enjoyable type of patient encounter. Well, apart from the “borderlines.” Even I ain’t going there, son.

 

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VET MED | ZDoggMD MemeCrazy Intern Meme | ZDoggMDPercocet Bitch Meme | ZDoggMD Diclofenac Meme | ZDoggMD dilaudid boromir meme | ZDoggMD

No appointment I walk in
To your clinic complaining of pain
Doctor shopping once again
When I found you I thought
Oh my god, you really get me
And your last name’s followed by an MD
You’re my ticket to ecstasy…(uh, I mean “pain relief”)

Stethoscope, coat and tie
I can play you like the lottery
Tears flow, crocodile
As I tell you bout my 3 slipped discs
Chronic migraine, RSD, and abdominal pain
I define secondary gain
Did I mention I have allergies to toradol and motrin?

Don’t try to gimme those NSAID’s
Can’t take acetominophen
You ain’t dealing with a novice
Son, my pain scale starts at 10
Got a long list of ex-doctors
They’ll tell you I need help
Just gimme my pain meds, baby,
Or I’ll screw you on Yelp

I was young, I was reckless
I took things way too far
Never thought I’d get addicted
Now, I’m higher than a shooting star
Got a long list of ex-doctors
They’ll tell you I’m insane
You’ve got a blank script baby
And I’ve got some pain

Sweat is soaking through my clothes
And my brain doesn’t want to work
Snot running down my nose
Stomach’s cramping, I got the squirts
I puke till my throat’s raw
This must be what it’s like to withdraw
Wait the worst is yet to come, oh no

Screaming, crying, I’m a jerk
Family left, all because of my drugs
Sorry I can’t come to work
Must be yet another nasty “bug”
One script is all I need
Then you might think you’re rid of me
But I’ll come back each time I leave
Cause darling I’m a junkie dressed like your Auntie

Being hooked on these narcs is like torture
All the lies, wasted life, can’t take it no more
Being hooked wanna quit but I can’t cope
All this, a cry for help, you’re my last hope

I was young, I was reckless
I took things way too far
Never thought I’d get addicted
Now, I’m trying to score a fix in your ER
Got a long list of ex-doctors
They’ll tell you I’m insane
You’ve got a blank script baby
And I’ve got some pain

  • Doctor Bitcoin

    Brilliant parody.

    So funny I spit coffee on my keyboard.
    Sending you the bill.

    • I’ll submit it to my insurance plan. Expect 10 cents in the mail in about a year.

  • Andrea O’Brien

    Irate!!! Being I have suffered from RSD for 12 years now… to see awareness about this monster of a disease should be an extremely happy moment… Thanks for the awareness… NEGATIVE AWARENESS!!!! You have no clue how hard it is to literally suffer from this!!! How hard it is to put a fake smile on my face while running my children to their sports activities or trying so hard to be a class mom… While burning inside and at times wishing I were dead! No matter how much pain I am in I will NEVER go to the emergency room for help! I did it once in 12 years and left hysterical crying! I was treated like a drug addict!!!! I wish more than anything in this world to NOT need medicine to have somewhat a quality of life!!!!!!! Within minutes of this video posted on an RSD facebook page there was 40 posts on how upset this made us!!!! This video made things harder for us!!!

    • Andrea, judging by the number of exclamation points used, I really must have made you mad, and for that I’m sorry. I do understand and am sympathetic towards your position and your anger. I’ve treated a ton of RSD in my career, and I’m well aware of how debilitating and painful the disease can be. The same is true of chronic migraine and abdominal pain (both also mentioned in the video). But to paint an authentic picture of narcotic seekers, I felt I needed to include RSD with those other entities because it is commonly used by those addicted patients to obtain narcotics for non-medical purposes. This is the authentic truth; now luckily, most doctors worth their salt won’t watch a dumb video like this and think “I’m going to view every patient with RSD as a drug seeker until proven otherwise”. They either do that already (not good), or they are a good doctor and treat each patient as the unique individual that they are. If you invite me to the FB group in question I’ll be happy to let them yell at me in virtual person if that helps.

      • DocEpador

        A very politically correct response, even empathetic. You are a better doc than I. BTW, keep on rapping and rocking. And I hope ANdrea doesn’t dis you on YELP.

        • Fingers crossed (about YELP). Thanks homie.

      • ehf

        The tactic of using a catchy song to send a message is great. BUT… how disingenuous to spend 4 minutes crapping on drug users!

        Would the same group that finds this humorous, dare make a parody about any other health condition? Would they laugh at Mrs. Smith, and refuse to give her insulin because she overindulged with sugar over the holidays despite doctors orders? Or how about Mr. Jones, who is about to stroke out, AGAIN because he just can’t seem to get into the exercise regiment that his doc sternly counseled him on? Of course not, and since people are human, life happens, and individuals become addicted to all kinds of things, why does it become fodder for satire when it relates to drug use?

        ZDoggMD and DocEpador, healthcare workers who derive enjoyment through mocking anyone who is suffering, are clearly in the WRONG profession. Besides, what’s interesting is the fact that some Doctors give drugs away. It is a public secret that there are incentives by Pharmaceutical companies for Doctors to prescribe new medications. We all saw Pharmaceutical Reps rolling their wheeled suitcases in doctor’s offices. I remember once seeing a Zoloft clock at a health center. Add to that that Pharmaceutical companies also lie about the addictive nature of the drugs (Oxycontin) (Perk 10’s) they are helping to push in the street. The sad part is that videos like this blame the addict not the drug peddling Pharmaceutical companies who lied to the public and got people addicted to Prescription meds in the first place.

        chellreaves, you nailed it: “I like to call addiction (especially to prescription drugs) this generations black plague, its an epidemic.”

        Your video both breaks my heart and makes me angry.
        I would love to see a message supporting the sick person who once made a bad choice and inflicted a disease on him/herself like Mrs. Smith and Mr. Jones. How many people always made the right choice especially when they were young and invincible?!!! I would love to see a message condemning the sick practice of addicts being incarcerated and “helped” by the Corrective system instead of the Health system. I would love to see a message de-stigmatizing prescription or street drug users and acknowledging that addiction is a disease that has to be treat for by Doctors. Do you refuse medical treatment to addicts and leave them potentially worse??? Addicts that are searching for doctor’s or ER are usually very sick, going into detox, suicidal, or have overdosed… How funny is that???!!!

      • Rich Partington

        Why not include cancer patients then fucker? Arent they also pill seekers? faking their pain? Not very funny huh? I lost my leg last year due to crps/rsd. Your video made me sick.

        • Keri Elizabeth Montgomery

          It’s not PC to pick on cancer patients because they are the only ones people think have “legitimate” pain. It helps that they look very sick too. A lot of us in pain, including those of us with RSD, look completely normal and fine.
          The Government has massive restrictions on pain meds. The things described in this stupid video aren’t done anymore- Doctors aren’t giving it out like candy anymore. Those of us who need it have to jump through hoops. I don’t get “high” from my meds, I’m just trying to keep walking and I’m losing the battle. Tomorrow i go in for my office visit. I will have to pee in a cup for a drug test before I can get a one month prescription. I have to bring my current bottle of pills to be counted. My Pain Doctor can kick me out and stop treating me for any reason he wants. And once dropped by one pain doc, I’d be unable to get another one to see me. I wake up crying every morning because of the excruciating pain of RSD. Even on massive amounts of meds, not all narcotics by the way. I am NOT addicted! I wish more than anything to be free if it all! It’s funny, people are addicted to alcohol and no-one cares because it’s socially acceptable. I know women who can’t wait to get home to their wine every night. They’ll tell you straight up that it keeps them going. Oh, but that’s okay isn’t it. Leave the pain sufferers alone. We have enough to deal with. Do a video on booze abuse and maybe I’ll laugh.

      • Amy Vallejo

        you can’t fake this pain and to compare CRPS to a migraine and abdominal pain doesn’t even come close and I have D all the above. How about make a video on what CRPS really is how painful it is how there is zero money for research, a few old meds and a few investigational treatments of which very few if any are covered by insurance . Rap for the documentary trialbyfirethemovie coming out. You can’t fake CRPS

    • Courtney Davis

      As a fellow RSD/CRPS patient, I have to agree that I am really upset by this video’s characterization of our condition. RSD/CRPS is not something to joke about and if this doctor had any empathy or compassion for his patients whatsoever, he would never have included such a serious disease in such a cruel video. RSD/CRPS has been rated as THE most painful condition known to science according to the McGill Pain Scale, more painful than traumatic amputation, unmedicated childbirth, Cancer, and any of the other conditions this doctor mentioned. It is not something someone would choose to have or even pretend to have. It is too horrible for words. My RSD/CRPS has been confirmed by 8 medical professionals. The people that have this disease would do anything to be rid of it. I also find the doctor’s response to you that RSD/CRPS is a common condition used by seekers suspect because VERY FEW people outside of our community of patients have even heard of the conditions. Most medical professionals outside of the neurology and pain management speciailities haven’t even heard of it.

  • Rhonda Estepp Lawson

    Being 20 months sober..I love it..I see the old me in it and got some gratitude this isn’t me anymore! And it was hilarious! !!

    • Congratulations Rhonda! And thrilled that you saw in our video something that resonated. Thanks for your message and keep up the fight!

  • chellreaves

    I was diagnosed with a lot of health problems at 19 that sent me spiraling down addiction. Now I’m almost 7 yrs clean (in March) from not just opiates but all narcotics. Im an an advocate for recovering addicts& addicts. I have sense dedicated my life to recovery and helping others. I like to call addiction (especially to prescription drugs) this generations black plague, its an epidemic. And even tho in ever dr shopped bc I didnt have to my regular drs kept me way over medicated, I have family who work in the medical field and I know you all deal w/a lot. Im a currently working in masters soon to start on my doctorate in Psychology (Substance abuse counseling). I really hope that you all offer treatment or show some of the addicts that come in trying to get meds a different way, atleast try is all I say. In active addiction its hard to reach someone that dont want it, I know that. Anyhow, great parody… I enjoyed it. 🙂

    • chellreaves

      Excuse the typo’s… new tablet is a pain to get used too.

    • Thanks for sharing your story, sounds like you’ve overcome a lot. Best of luck on your masters and doctorate!

      • chellreaves

        Thanks! I have since prescribed to your channel on here and find it very insightful.

  • ehf

    The tactic of using a catchy song to send a message is great. BUT… how disingenuous to spend 4 minutes crapping on drug users!

    Would the same group that finds this humorous, dare make a parody about any other health condition? Would they laugh at Mrs. Smith, and refuse to give her insulin because she overindulged with sugar over the holidays despite doctors orders? Or how about Mr. Jones, who is about to stroke out, AGAIN because he just can’t seem to get into the exercise regiment that his doc sternly counseled him on? Of course not, and since people are human, life happens, and individuals become addicted to all kinds of things, why does it become fodder for satire when it relates to drug use?

    ZDoggMD, Doctor Bitcoin and DocEpador, healthcare workers who derive enjoyment through mocking anyone who is suffering, are clearly in the WRONG profession. Besides, what’s interesting is the fact that some Doctors give drugs away. It is a public secret that there are incentives by Pharmaceutical companies for Doctors to prescribe new medications. We all saw Pharmaceutical Reps rolling their wheeled suitcases in doctor’s offices. I remember once seeing a Zoloft clock at a health center. Add to that that Pharmaceutical companies also lie about the addictive nature of the drugs (Oxycontin) (Perk 10’s) they are helping to push in the street. The sad part is that videos like this blame the addict not the drug peddling Pharmaceutical companies who lied to the public and got people addicted to Prescription meds in the first place.

    chellreaves, you nailed it: “I like to call addiction (especially to prescription drugs) this generations black plague, its an epidemic.”

    Your video both breaks my heart and makes me angry.
    I would love to see a message supporting the sick person who once made a bad choice and inflicted a disease on him/herself like Mrs. Smith and Mr. Jones. How many people always made the right choice especially when they were young and invincible?!!! I would love to see a message condemning the sick practice of addicts being incarcerated and “helped” by the Corrective system instead of the Health system. I would love to see a message de-stigmatizing prescription drug users as they somehow become sick and acknowledging that addiction is a disease that has to be treat for by Doctors. Do you refuse medical treatment to addicts and leave them potentially worse??? Addicts that are searching for doctor’s or ER are usually very sick, going into detox, suicidal, or have overdosed… How funny is that Doctor Bitcoin???!!!

  • EmtBarbie

    This shits hilarious. I hate when pts come in allergic to everything except for “dilly dally” as we call it!

  • Lynn Whitaker

    Love this..hysterical!

  • Jennifer Ashley Davis

    I’m interested in what you would have said
    about “borderlines.”

  • Allison K

    I was torn by this video. At first it was hilarious, but then it made me very sad. I became addicted to benzos and am still struggling to wean myself off. It has been long and painful. I never took more than my doctor prescribed. Who is at fault? Maybe both of us. Him for telling me they weren’t hard to withdraw from, me because I trusted my doctor.

    • Hilarious and sad was exactly the intent of the video. This is a really complex and tragic problem on every level, and I think you nailed that with this comment. Best of luck in your recovery Allison!

      • Allison K

        Thanks! I did my thesis on secondary gains! 😉 Coincidence? I think not.

      • Julia SisePuede Carter

        You are one of the reasons people like me have a hard enough time getting medication for one of the most painful diseases in the world. I am not a drug seeker an nor have I ever been. I didn’t ask for this disease. Screw you!

  • Shevonne Daley

    Can I ask why you singled out RSD? As a person who has fought hard through this disease after a car accident that left me with permanent damage and I have had to overcome many obstacles to just live and be mobile… Why this disease? I get addicts doctor hop I have two relatives that did the same.. But for those of us who have had significant impact from a disease like this, the calling out of the disease seems completely uncalled for!

  • Kim Blaisdell

    Easy there, guys. I actually HAVE been diagnosed with RSD/CRPS. I’ve been lucky enough not to have had to go to the ER and to find some non-narcotic relief. I’d hate to think that, if that ever changes, I’d run across someone like you. Thank God my doctor(s) are real humans.

    • Gail Booth

      So deeply hurt after sincerely suffering from RSD/CRPS for nine years. RSD pain honestly cannot be compared to the others you grouped it with. The first time I took a narcotic medication it was hydrocdone and I felt a warmth go through my veins, but after that first pill I’ve never felt anything at all taking any of the narcotics my pain physician has prescribed me. For nine years I’ve taken my medications as prescribed, kept my contract with my pain doctor and have been very grateful for the physicians who have SO MUCH more knowledge about RSD, pain and narcotic medications than you will ever know and I thank GOD literally for these men and women who attempt to help those of us with RSD rather than mock them. This kind of suffering is not funny at all in any situation. If you got RSD, what would you do in pain that can be excruciating day and night? The badly shattered little toe that led to surgery which started my RSD hurt, but I put on my boots (true) and still went hiking in Colorado. The badly shattered toe was something that I could “push through” but NOT the RSD! I’m not a pain wimp or an addict, but a pain patient who needs help desperately for relief of the severe pain that my RSD causes! Please understand that we, by far most of us, don’t WANT to take these medications, we HAVE to take them for any “quality” of life or even to stay alive! Dr. Robert Schwartzman, the physician on the forefront of treating RSD patients until he retired a year or so ago, is quoted as saying how high the suicide rate is with RSD/CRPS patients, perhaps as high as 80%. There is just nothing funny about RSD/CRPS and I think you owe the RSD community an apology.

  • Emily Catherine Scribe

    As someone who has suffered with RSD for the last 7 years, I would like to thank you,for giving the world a glimpse at what it is like to deal with doctors who have not taken the time to become properly educated on this disease. Any doctor “worth their salt” who had experience with this horrific ailment would know that traditional pain medicine is not effective and is often given as a bandaid by doctors who are too proud to admit that they do not have the right experience or expertise to handle an illness with so many unknowns. You are a perfect example of a doctor who has probably never taken the time to truly understand, learn about and treat the debilitating pain that accompanies so many other horrible symptoms. I would love to invite you to chat with me about the up and coming effective treatments such as ketamine and hyperbaric oxygen therapy because clearly your knowledge of the severity of the illness is very limited and outdated. Perhaps chatting with some patients who,suffer from this without narcotics will also teach you some compassion towards those living with chronic pain.

  • Courtney Davis

    Anybody that “jokes” about RSD/CRPS immediately loses all respect and points with me. Perhaps you need to be educated a little bit before you just flippantly use our condition in your little “drug-seeking” video. RSD/CRPS is by far the most painful condition that exists in science as rated by the McGill Pain Scale (a highly respected and widely used pain scale), more painful than traumatic amputation, unmedicated childbirth, and terminal cancer. It is commonly referred to as the “suicide disease” because the pain is so constant and overwhelming that patients frequently resort to suicide to escape the pain. There are not enough words in the English language to accurately describe the type of pain I am in on a daily basis. I am not currently on any narcotics because I found that they were not effective for my pain, but I personally know several RSD/CRPS patients that do use narcotics to effectively manage some of their pain and they most certainly are NOT drug seekers. You as a medical doctor most certainly should know the difference between addiction and physical dependence (which can happen with all sorts of drugs, not just narcotics). There is no reason in the world that these patients should be denied humane treatment when the other medicines they are being prescribed are just as dangerous if not more so, than the narcotics. Also, you mentioned that seeing multiple doctors before seeing you was a huge red flag for drug seeking. Well, when you have a rare and complicated condition like RSD/CRPS that most doctors are not well educated on (fact: most doctors spend at most an hour during their entire education learning about it) it might take several doctors before finding the right fit. I live in a large metropolitan city with several research hospital systems and I saw six different doctors before finding one who knew anything about my condition and felt comfortable treating such a “complicated case” and I’m not even currently on narcotics. A lot of us with complicated conditions have NO CHOICE but to “doctor shop” because we are trying to be informed consumers and do what is best for our healths. Perhaps instead of mocking your patients you should step back and start considering where they are coming from

  • mindy gelfond

    Ridiculous juvenile ….and uneducated about RSD zblogg…..WISH IT ON YOU SO YOU’D SEE….RSD sufferers mostly ask for neurontin cymbalta etc since its mainly a nerve pain issues….and narcotics when in a flare because inflammation is excruciating…..

  • Nancy Skinner Witt

    Watching this just pisses me off. To joke about something like RSD is just insane. And then to call us drug seekers?? Really?? You haven’t got a clue as to what we deal with. I have had this over 24 years throughout my whole body and have NEVER begged for drugs or gone to the ER begging for something. There is so much misinformation out there about RSD and we get so mistreated by doctors, you certainly do not help things with this video. Walk a day in my shoes and then make a joke about it. Oh, and being allergic to a lot of medications is a real thing, there are medical conditions that cause it. Migraines are real and can be dibilitating. I have had to move from doctor to doctor and it has nothing to do with drugs, it has to do with them not knowing anything about RSD or not giving a crap about me. You should be ashamed of yourself mocking people with such a horrific, painful, incurable condition.

  • SGT Hatred

    As an Iraq War (OIF 06-08) veteran with RSD/CRPS… It’s because of douchebags like you “doctors” that i have this incurable hell to start with, after a civilian doc misdiagnosed compartment syndromes in both my lower legs as shin splints (which i deployed with and nearly lost both my feet to amputations). You turds make me ill. I also bet i could help you empathize with my pain scale after some wall to wall counseling and some broken bones and compartment syndromes of your own. Doctors? HA! REMEMBER: Even the bottom 10% of the graduating class at medical school gets called “doctor”!! While your “doctor” is off making clever videos in drag, others are getting educated. Hope to see you in the VA system some day, Z-Pudd.

  • rose

    think the video proves he’s a idiot, and now I truly wish he had RSD, let’s see how he can deal with the pain

  • Amy Vallejo

    You have absolutely no idea what it feels like to have CRPS and be treated like a druggie which WE ARE NOT!! You are quite a mother fucker for lumping us into your video. I am appalled by your video. I dare you to walk one day in my shoes. They need to teach the educated fucks like you about CRPS! We have very few options and videos like this don’t help those that really live in this pain 24/7 365 days a year. Get your head out of your ass DR and learn something!!

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