The signs were becoming ever more ominous—and harder to ignore. The final straw began with a sudden, inappropriately dramatic glare from Dr. Harry while we lunched on 7-layer burritos and chalupas: “ZDogg! At last! We eat at Taco Bell! This large…gordita…entices with its smell!”
I choked on my Fanta, forcing me to put down my daintily powdered churro while irredeemably staining my Rush 2112 concert T-shirt. “Why are you singing at the top of your lungs in the middle of Taco Bell?” I asked, my sense of dread growing as I nervously nibbled the edge of my sour cream-encrusted tostada slathered in Fire sauce.
“I…I don’t know! I…I’m not sure what’s come over me! IN MERCY’S NAME…THREE TACOS ARE ALL I NEED! Arggh! There I go again!”
A Misérable Condition
Look, I’m no psychiatrist, but I can recognize a DSM-V diagnosis of Acute on Chronic Misérables Syndrome any day of the week. Way back in medical school, we all recognized that poor Harry possessed many of the risk factors for the development of this potentially crippling affliction:
- He was prone to spouting French translations of outdated American street slang: “Doctor Harry est dans la maison, oui! OUI???”
- He worked as an understudy—for one of the tigers—in the Sigfried and Roy show.
- His vanity license plates read “LAME IS”
Before his transformation into a Taiwanese Neil Patrick Harris became irreversible.
Medical Record Number 24601! Lyrics and download here!
Lyrics to The Confrontation: A Les Misérables Parody
This patient’s obviously going nowhere. He’s got no pants and he needs a SNF!
Docs like you can never change. A doc such as you…
Docs like you can never change, hospitalists can never change!
ED life you’ll never understand!
You can write your long-ass note, I just cric’d this old guy’s throat!
You can fixate on your labs, I’ll work on my rock hard abs!