The Wrath of Dr. Khan

Attending’s Video Log, Stardate 3.14159

We are in orbit around a remote County emergency department. My crew of young interns is greener than a vat of Vulcan hemoglobin, and being of the Millennial generation they insist on bringing their stuffed Tribbles to work with them. New Federation-mandated work hour restrictions make them as useless as a Romulan lounge singer at a Ferengi bar mitzvah.

My second year resident—Dr. Spock—insists on quoting evidence-based guidelines to me, reminding me constantly that my ad hoc treatment regimens are “highly illogical.” And our respiratory therapist Scotty tells me our CPR dummy “is barely holding together…she can’t take much more o’ this!” Worse still, some redshirt made a documentary of our adventures and put it on StarTube:

In space, no one can hear you code.

Scenes borrowed from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
All voices by ZDoggMD

Nerdastic Trek Consultant: fellow hospitalist B. Diddy!

 

In the midst of this galactic chaos, Starfleet Command has asked us to host the 8th anniversary edition of medical bloggers’ Grand Rounds. So the great medical bloggers from around the galaxy have kindly contributed their bits and bytes, included below with my own two cents thrown in. Thanks to longtime Borg plastic surgeon Dr. Ramona Bates for hosting the last Grand Rounds; the next will be hosted by those crazy Klingons over at The Healthcare Economist on October 11th, so make sure to boldly go where no…awwww, never mind.

And Now: Grand Rounds Vol. 8 No. 1

 

We begin with some some visual stimulation, courtesy of our very own Doc Quixote:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Followed by a couple of classic medical records, submitted by CrankyKong, MD:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I happen to be an obesity epidemic denialist, even after seeing this picture taken by my high school buddy Jayson:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 Funny Medical Stuff:

 

• Dr. Charles waxes xtranormal on Dr. Watson, our android medical overlord. He is also holding an awesome medical poetry contest where submissions should be in by Sept. 30th. CASH MONEY IS FOR GRABS PEOPLE!!! Oh, and it’s all artistically important and whatnot. Here is a hilarious example haiku.
• The Covert Rationing Blog gets even more covert by attempting the unthinkable: satire.
• Like Nixon, Glass Hospital went to China to open that s**t up. What resulted was a 74 slide talk he didn’t write. Paging Chairman Mao!
• Infotainment in rap form, called “Meaningful Yoose” by my homie Ross Martin, MD.
• Crass Pollination is a fantastic blog by a crazy-ass ER nurse. Here she waxes prophylactic about ultrasound sleeves. Best part yet: the recurrent ads for maxi pads on the site. Classy!!
• And speaking of ER nurses, the AWESOME blog Madness: Tales of an Emergency Room nurse presents a case of “one in a million shot, doc. One in a million shot.” Scary stuff.
• Yup. Radiologists are freaks. Submitted by Sumer’s Radiology Site.
• And pharmacists are bigger freaks; check out Last Refills and this freaky Steely Dan parody.
• Having done my OB/GYN rotation at San Francisco General, I always knew it was just a matter of time before those crazy-ass folks broke out the papayas. From my boy Dr. Shock.
• My evil counterpart in the emergency room, Dr. Rob Orman of ERCast, presents a great podcast wherein whiny docs rant about stuff that pisses them off. Gold, people.
• Turns out the Happy Hospitalist is too sexy for his scrubs.

 

Unfunny Medical Stuff:

 

• Colorado Health Insurance Insider actually sent me this article in response to my request for submissions with the theme “Funny Medical Stuff.” This is riotously hilarious…if you are a Colorado health insurance insider.
• Not to be outdone on the comedy tip, the American College of Physicians (ACP) sent me this laugh-a-minute piece about screening ECG utility, once again proving that internists are the funniest people alive. Actually, the CPR Shirt in the article is pretty frickin’ hilarious. I’m still waiting for “Intubate-Me Barbie,” personally.
• A cool blog by a PA student kickin’ it Detroit style, here’s the post she kindly submitted.
• Haggle for your medical care? Insure Blog thinks not.
• iReveal: Medical Lessons discusses Steve Jobs’ medical privacy.
• One of my colleagues does a mommy doctor blog called Evidence-Based Mommy and has an awesome post on boozing it up while breastfeeding. Alcohol-dispensing breasts; some things are simply too good to be true.
• My boy GruntDoc waxes constitutional on Guns n Roses (well, on guns anyways).
• Dr. Paul Auerbach, a professor of emergency medicine at my very own institution, holds court on water purification. Step one: don’t take a dump in your Brita pitcher.
• It pains me to admit it, but informed and empowered patients can be healthier patients. Check out this classic TED talk by my main eMan ePatient Dave:

 

Vax Fax

• Y’all know that being in the pocket of Big Pharma, I love vaccines like a phat kid loves high fructose corn syrup. So I LOVE this post about flu shots by blogger Dr. Pullen.
• And the only thing I hate about the two videos below is that I didn’t produce them first:

And now a roundup of some hot medical parody video action!

 

• The legendary Happy Hospitalist has a whole playlist of kick-ass parody videos detailing the many foibles of our profession. Happy is an inspiration for downtrodden hospitalists everywhere:

 

 

• Another legend in the medical comedy arena, Doug Farrago of the Placebo Journal and Authentic Medicine Blog, presents a couple of fantastic spoofs here. He is indeed the godfather of medical parody, making medical folk aspirate with laughter for over 10 years:

 

• I dig this guy’s style. I mean, who makes a video about Press Ganey patient satisfaction scores that DOESN’T suck? This is awesome people:

 

• Medical school class plays are the source of much chuckles (don’t make me dig up our Doc’s of Hazzard production on VHS somewhere in my attic). Here are some instant classics:

Med Student Fantasy Versus Sad Reality:

Internist Versus Surgeon:

Neurosurgeon Verus Psychiatrist:

The Infamous Diagnosis: Wenckebach:

The Office: Med School Edition:

And We OUT.

And so another grand rounds comes to a close. For all you old healthcare codgers out there that wanna keep track of what the kids are listening to these days, download for free this AWESOME mix by my main DJ brutha Samix. A big file but worth it (especially if you’ve got a long commute, like to exercise aerobically, or want to impress members of the opposite sex that are half your age). He’s strung together 30 minutes of sellout pop music turned triptastic art form. Recall that he is the mastermind behind the creation of many ZDoggMD rap beats, including Pull & Pray, AutoTune Bad News, The Ulcer Rap, Hyponatrizzle, and more. So check it before you wreck it. I really don’t know what that means.

And as always, remember to fan us on Facebook, follow on Twitter, download us on iTunes, and subscribe on YouTube. Also make sure to enter your email in the upper right corner of the website to get the latest videos delivered fresh to your inbox! There is an ancient Klingon proverb: “Spam is a dish best served cold.”

Of all the residents I’ve encountered in medicine, he was the most…human.

-Dr. James T. Kirk, Professor of Starfleet Medicine, on his second-year resident Spock.