It’s me, Dr. Harry, self-proclaimed reclusive literary genius—sort of like J.D.Salinger, except that I am not a corpse, and my largely misunderstood pieces have yet to be accepted by a single publisher (some of whom have cruelly described my works as “the awkward musings of a self-loathing prepubescent”).
Why am I helping ZDogg M.D.?
Indeed, why do I allow myself to be even loosely associated with this sad clown-prince of medicine? It is only partly because I don’t have any other friends. I know, I know–that’s ridiculous, right? With the combination of my chiseled features, my effortless wit, and my charming habit of giggling after I soil myself in public, you would think that I should have no shortage of friends and obsequious followers! Tragically (as my mother has often murmured to me as I am crying myself to sleep), people are clearly too jealous of me to be my friends.
The main reason that I am helping Dr. Z is simply because of these two words: I CARE.
In my day-to-day work as a pediatrician, I often find myself wondering if I am doing enough to help my patients and their families build the confidence and knowledge they need to be as healthy and happy as humanly possible. While there is an undeniable satisfaction that I get whenever I manually disimpact a constipated toddler’s rock-hard feces, I know that I can do more…
And so, I set aside all my misgivings that ZDogg M.D. might be using my brawny good looks to peddle his tawdry videos. I do this to educate and enlighten the general public, using my hard-learned medical knowledge. I do this to improve the collective well-being of humanity and to foster a smarter, healthier world.
And, as my influence grows, so too will my chances of achieving my deepest desire…VENGEANCE! Against all who have wronged me in the past! But that, my friends, is for a future blog.